Binding Hearts
by GleekForHemo
Summary: Sequel to Beautiful Scars. It has been 4 years since Santana and Brittany got married and they are still very much in love. Of course life comes with ups and downs so will they be able to stay strong together when chaos appears to be on the horizon? AU.
1. Chapter 1

_Thanks to everyone who has shown interest in reading a sequel to Beautiful Scars. I hope you'll enjoy it!_

* * *

 **Chapter 1.**

Santana smiled when she entered the familiar building where Brittany worked at. It had been 3 years since Mike had offered Brittany a job as a dance instructor at his gym and life couldn't be better. Brittany loved it and Santana, on her part, loved the smile that appeared on the blonde's face when she told her about her day every night. The way her eyes lit up never failed to melt Santana's heart. Brittany's happiness had always mattered most to her and it meant the world to her to see her so free of worries. There had been times when things were different.

It was a little past noon and Santana had decided to surprise her wife with lunch. Mike smiled widely when he saw her and greeted her with a wave. "Hey, Santana. I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, I've been busy with work." Santana replied with an apologetic smile. "How are you?"

"I'm good." Mike told her. "What about you?"

"I'm fine. Just here to bring Britt some lunch." Santana said, holding up the bag of food. "Is she in her office?"

Mike nodded in response and Santana thanked him before she began to make her way through the long corridor that led to Brittany's office. She knocked on the door and waited for a soft 'come in' before she went inside. The room was pretty small with just a desk and a sofa but the decorations were clearly all Brittany's doing. A smile found its way to her lips when her eyes landed on Brittany. She was sitting at her desk, brow furrowed in concentration, furiously writing in a notebook.

She looked up and her face lit up when she saw Santana. "Hey babe."

"Hi." Santana said as she closed the door behind her. "What's gotten you so busy?"

"Mike asked me to take over one of his classes." Brittany explained with twinkling eyes. "I already have everything planned out in my head but I find it helpful to write things down." She looked down at her notes and frowned a bit at the sight of her messy handwriting. "These notes probably wouldn't make sense to anyone else though."

Santana laughed. "Now you know what I have to deal with when you make the grocery list."

Brittany playfully rolled her eyes and put down her pen. "Not that I'm not happy to see you but why are you here?"

"I brought you lunch." Santana said as she took a step closer. "I can just drop it off and leave if you don't have time."

"No, I'd love to have lunch with you." Brittany was quick to reassure her, getting to her feet. "Is it weird that I missed you even though we last saw each other this morning?"

Santana shook her head and placed her free hand on Brittany's hip, slightly leaning up to press a light kiss to the taller woman's lips. "Not at all. I missed you too, Britt."

Brittany smiled. "What did you bring me?"

"Oh, nothing special." Santana said as they sat down on the couch. Santana rummaged through the bag and took out two chicken parmesan sandwiches before handing one to Brittany.

"Thanks." Brittany said before she took a bite of the sandwich, humming in delight. "This is amazing. You're the best, San."

"You speak the truth."

"Modest as always."

Santana shrugged.

"How are things going at work?"

"Pretty good." Santana replied, her smile faltering slightly. "You know I'm traveling to L.A. tomorrow for that interview, right?"

Brittany nodded and swallowed before speaking. "How could I forget?"

Santana shot her a tight-lipped smile and reached out to wipe some sauce off the corner of her mouth. Over the years, Santana's role at Schuester Magazine had increased in importance and more traveling was required. Brittany hadn't been happy with it at first but she had gotten better at dealing with the thought of Santana being so far away from her and mostly, her fear of planes.

"You'll be okay, right?" Santana asked.

Her mind wandered back to the previous times she had traveled to L.A. The first time had been an absolute disaster with Brittany and her fighting and her being stuck at the airport. The time after that hadn't been very successful either. Brittany had been feeling anxious all week, which didn't help very much. She hadn't slept at all in the time Santana was gone and Santana had come home to find her absolutely exhausted. Things had slowly gotten better after that though and Santana didn't feel so reluctant to leave anymore.

"I'll be fine, San." Brittany's soft voice brought her back to reality. "The advice that Dr. Hill gave me to calm myself was really helpful."

" _I just can't help but worry." Brittany admitted quietly, her fingers running random patterns over the leather of the chair she was sitting in. Dr. Hill nodded in encouragement and she took a deep breath before continuing. "I know that it's stupid but my anxiety really kicks in full force when I'm alone and know she's on a plane."_

" _It's not stupid, Brittany." Dr. Hill said sternly, looking her directly in the eye. He waited for Brittany to give him a small nod in reply before asking, "What can I do to help you with this?"_

" _I just don't want to be scared anymore." Brittany shrugged tiredly. "Or at least not feel so anxious when she's gone."_

" _Your medication helps, right?" Dr. Hill asked._

 _Brittany nodded. "Yeah but you know I don't want to become reliant on them."_

" _Try to focus on something that you love." Dr. Hill suggested, folding his hands together. "If you start to feel anxious, take your mind off what it is that's worrying you. What is something that always helps you to relax?"_

 _Brittany tugged her bottom lip between her teeth and thought the question over for a moment before answering, "Reading." She sighed when she realized what Dr. Hill was trying to say and she brought her hands to the hem of her sweater, fiddling with the soft material. "I wish that'd help but sometimes it's just not good enough, you know?"_

" _I know." Dr. Hill shot her a somber, humorless smile. "I know that it's hard but you have to try. I can give you some breathing exercises if you'd like?"_

 _Brittany nodded gratefully. "I'd appreciate that."_

The breathing exercises really helped Brittany to calm down, especially at first. That and reading a book or doing something else to distract herself was almost always enough to calm her down when she started to feel anxious. Santana was so glad to see that she was doing so much better. The amount of progress that she had made from the day that they had met was admirable.

The couple finished eating their sandwiches and ended up sprawled out on the sofa, completely stuffed. Brittany groaned and clasped her hands together over her stomach, closing her eyes. "I don't think I'll be able to move for the rest of the day." She complained, wrapping her arm around Santana who in turn buried her face against Brittany's neck.

Santana chuckled and pressed a kiss to Brittany's collarbone, patting her hand. "You'll be fine, big baby." She said before pulling back to give her a quick kiss on the lips. "I should get back to work but I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay." Brittany mumbled, slowly opening her eyes. "I'll make us dinner tonight."

"If you want to." Santana said as she got to her feet.

"Hmm." She hummed with a smile, reaching out for Santana's hand to pull her closer. The brunette got the message and leaned down to give her another kiss. Pulling back, Brittany lifted her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind Santana's ear. "I want to spend a quiet night at home with my beautiful wife."

The corners of Santana's eyes crinkled as a smile formed on her lips. "That can be arranged."

Brittany slid her hand behind Santana's neck and gently pulled her down. Their lips met in a gentle kiss and Santana sighed into it before tilting her head to the side to get a better angle. She let out a soft moan when she felt Brittany's tongue dart out and instantly granted her access. They kissed for several moments, both of them quickly losing their breath, until Santana pulled back.

Brittany pouted in disapproval and Santana laughed softly. "I'm sorry, babe. But I should really go."

"Fine." Brittany mumbled unhappily.

Santana simply smiled at her wife's behavior as she gathered her things, winking at Brittany on her way out. Brittany rolled her eyes at herself as a huge smile spread across her features. She couldn't believe that Santana and her had become one of those sappy couples. It was so gross, yet she wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

Brittany clasped her hands together as she turned to face her students. "Alright. Time's up for now."

It was her last class of the day and she couldn't wait to get home to Santana. Everyone started to chat among themselves as they gathered their things and Brittany bent down to grab her bottle of water. This was one of her favorite classes to teach because the people in this group were mostly in their twenties so it was easy to connect with them. She smiled when a student that had joined them for the first time today approached her.

"Hi. I'm Chloe." The girl greeted her. "Brittany right?"

Brittany nodded and rolled up the sleeves of her hoodie. "Can I help you with something?"

"Not really." Chloe said with a smile, leaning her shoulder against the mirror. "I just wanted to thank you for today's class. I had a lot of fun."

"Oh that's good to hear." Brittany said somewhat awkwardly, suddenly feeling weird. She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and played with the strings of her hoodie. "So I guess I'll be seeing you more often?"

"Definitely." Chloe replied a little too enthusiastically. Her eyes briefly flickered down to Brittany's lips before they settled on her blue orbs again. Brittany felt her cheeks heat up under her student's intense gaze and she uncomfortably shifted from foot to foot. "You're a really good teacher."

"Oh thank you." Brittany said in surprise, awkwardly rubbing the back of her neck. Chloe just smiled wider and moved a little closer to her. Brittany didn't like the vibes she was getting from the girl and her obvious flirting, and on top of that she was also really tired and just wanted to go home to Santana. "It was nice talking to you but I should get going."

"Okay." Chloe mumbled, shoving her hands into her pockets. "You've got somebody waiting for you?"

"Yeah, my wife."

"Oh that's nice." Brittany hummed in agreement as she turned around to grab her bag, missing the look of disappointment that flashed across Chloe's face. "Do you have any kids?"

"No." Brittany's movements momentarily faltered as she thought of what it would be like to have kids with Santana. Just thinking about it made her grin like an idiot. She shook her head at herself and turned to face Chloe again. "I'll see you next time."

Chloe nodded and flashed her a bright smile. Brittany awkwardly returned it before she swung her bag over her shoulder and began to walk away. She exchanged a few words of goodbye with Mike and then made her way outside. The studio wasn't located too far away from the apartment so she usually walked to work. However, tonight she was surprised to see Noah waiting for her, casually leaning against his car.

"Hey Britt." He greeted her as she approached him, uncrossing his ankles and standing up straight. Brittany smiled widely and slightly rose on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck, burying her face against his chest. Noah wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her back tightly. "How are you?"

"I'm good." Brittany said as she pulled back. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd give you a ride home." Noah replied with a shrug. "I just finished my shift anyway."

Brittany nodded in understanding, her eyes taking in the uniform that he was wearing. "I missed you."

"Aw Britt." Noah placed his hand on her shoulder, and Brittany was surprised that he didn't tease her about her comment. "We talk to each other almost every day."

"Yeah but we hardly ever hang out anymore." Brittany said with a pout. She was usually tired after work and just wanted to curl up on the couch with her wife. On top of that, Noah had been picking up more shifts ever since he got promoted at work. "Our schedules never seem to match up."

Noah nodded in acknowledgment. Of course he missed Brittany too. There used to be a time when he would check up on her daily to make sure that she was doing okay but that wasn't necessary anymore now that she had Santana. He was extremely happy that someone like Santana had come into Brittany's life. She was always so patient and caring around the blonde and it was obvious that the two loved each other very much. Brittany deserved nothing but happiness in her life and Santana clearly gave her that.

"We should meet up for lunch soon." Brittany's voice brought him back to reality.

"Definitely." Noah said with a grin. "Now let's go because you smell of sweat."

"I do not!" Brittany protested, punching him in the shoulder. Noah just laughed and quickly turned around to get in the car. Brittany shook her head in amusement before making her way around the vehicle to slip into the passenger's seat.

* * *

A little while later, Brittany kicked the door shut behind her as she entered the apartment. She took off her shoes before checking her watch to see how long it would be before Santana came home. When she saw that it would be about thirty minutes, she made her way into the bedroom where she dropped her bag on the floor before heading into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

Exactly thirty minutes later, while she was in the middle of cooking dinner, Brittany heard the door open and close. She smiled and glanced over her shoulder just as Santana walked into the kitchen. "Hi babe."

Santana smiled and closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist from behind. She brushed Brittany's hair, that was still a little damp from her shower, aside and pressed a few feather-light kisses up her wife's neck. "Hmm what are you cooking?" She asked tiredly, her lips vibrating against Brittany's soft skin.

"Pasta." Brittany breathed out, a shiver tearing through her frame at Santana's touches.

"Sounds good." Santana said, craning her neck to place kisses along Brittany's jaw, earning herself a soft hum of pleasure. Brittany turned around in her arms and cupped Santana's cheek in her hand, bringing their lips together in a sweet kiss.

"Do I have enough time to take a shower?" Santana asked.

"If you're quick." Brittany said. "Quick in my terms, not yours."

Santana gave her a glare before she turned around and left the kitchen.

A little while later, they were seated at the table each with an empty plate in front of them. Brittany took a sip of her water to wash down her last bite of pasta and raised an eyebrow when she felt Santana's eyes on her. "What?" She asked as she put her glass back down. "Do I have something on my face?"

"Nope." Santana said, popping the 'p'.

Brittany narrowed her eyes. "Stop staring at me, you creep."

Santana got up, walking around the table, and waited until Brittany had moved her chair backwards before sliding onto her lap. "Thanks for cooking."

"You're welcome." Brittany replied softly, loosely draping her arms around Santana's waist.

"Did everything go okay at work?"

"Yeah."

"That's good, sweetie." Santana said softly, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Brittany's lips. "I know I'll only be gone for a few days but I'll miss you. Isn't that disgusting?"

Brittany's lips quirked up into a smile. "I was thinking about how gross we are just earlier today."

"Do we care though?"

"Nope."

"I should probably pack my bag." Santana mumbled unhappily, not quite wanting to move yet.

"You do that and I'll clean up here." Brittany suggested.

"Are you sure?" Santana asked as she reluctantly pulled back and sat up straight. Brittany just nodded so she smiled and gave the taller woman a kiss on the cheek before sliding off her lap. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Brittany smiled after her before she got up and began to clear off the table. She hummed softly to herself as she brought their plates into the kitchen, the smile on her face never faltering. It still amazed her how Santana was able to fill her stomach with butterflies with just a simple look. They had been together for over fours years now but she still praised herself lucky to have met such an amazing woman every day. Santana had stayed by her side through everything; her anxiety, her panic attacks, her therapy sessions, and Brittany knew that it hadn't always been easy for her either. Their relationship had grown to become so strong because of all this, though, and Brittany was certain they'd be able to survive anything together.

"Hey babe, do you want to watch a movie?" Santana's voice broke her out of her thoughts. Brittany nodded and quickly finished washing up. Santana walked closer to her wife and placed her hand on her lower back. "You okay?"

"Yeah I was just daydreaming." Brittany explained, turning towards Santana. The brunette raised her eyebrows questioningly and Brittany smirked bashfully. "About how happy you make me."

Santana groaned.

Brittany playfully pushed Santana away. "Shut up."

Santana grinned and backed Brittany up against the counter, trapping her. She placed her hands on her wife's hips and slightly raised on her toes to capture the blonde's lips with her own. She pulled Brittany's bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled on it for a moment before releasing it. Her heart warmed up at the sight of Brittany's eyelids slowly opening, revealing blue orbs that were clouded over with happiness, and she nudged the other woman's cheek with her nose. "So, how about that movie?"

"Huh?" Brittany blurted out, her thoughts still a mess as a result of Santana's touch that sent tingles all the way down her spine. Santana chuckled and nudged Brittany out of the kitchen. Brittany's eyes dropped to Santana's ass and she bit her lip. "You look so hot, San."

"I'm wearing sweatpants."

"So hot." Brittany repeated in a low murmur.

Santana rolled her eyes and walked up to the TV to pick out a movie. She glanced over her shoulder and watched as Brittany took a seat on the couch, propping her legs up on the coffee table. "Just tell me which movie you want to watch."

"I don't care." Brittany replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

Santana picked out a romantic comedy and quickly put it on before joining Brittany on the couch. Brittany held open her arms and the brunette instantly cuddled into her side, resting her head on her shoulder and sighing contentedly. She pressed a kiss to the underside of Brittany's jaw as the blonde gently stroked her hair.

"Did I tell you that Quinn is dating someone?" Santana asked, placing her hand on Brittany's flat stomach and spreading her fingers. She sighed and stared at the screen for a moment as her fingers gently started to massage the area just below Brittany's belly button, knowing that it had an incredibly relaxing effect on her wife.

"She is?"

"Yeah some guy named Tom."

"Poor guy." Brittany mumbled, fighting the urge to close her eyes as Santana's touch manipulated her body into a state of absolute bliss.

"What?" Santana asked, confused.

Brittany smiled a little. "You know that you can be a little protective sometimes."

"Maybe but aren't you supposed to look out for your friends?"

"Of course." Brittany replied.

"Did you speak to Marley recently?"

"I called her yesterday." Brittany said softly, her entire body buzzing as Santana's fingers continued to gently massage her lower abdomen. She allowed her eyes to momentarily fall closed. "We didn't speak long because she was on her way to meet up with Kitty."

"I still can't believe those two are such close friends now." Santana laughed softly.

"I know right." Brittany said with a smile. "I guess the more they worked with each other, the more they started to like each other. They've gotten really close."

"They sure have." Santana smirked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Huh?" Brittany scrunched up her nose in the most adorable way. She opened her eyes to shoot Santana a look of confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, Britt." Santana lifted her head off Brittany's shoulder to see her features more clearly. The blonde just continued to look at her and she let out a giggle at the look of utter confusion on her face. "You really think that they're _just_ friends?" Brittany again didn't say anything and another giggle escaped Santana's mouth. "You don't think there's something going on between them?"

Brittany chewed on the inside of her cheek as she processed Santana's words. "But Marley is straight."

Santana simply rolled her eyes at her wife's words and rested her head on her shoulder again. "Just wait and see." She said confidently. "There's no way that those two are just friends."

"Whatever you say, San." Brittany nuzzled her nose into Santana's soft hair, a subtle smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

By the time the movie came to an end, Santana was leaning heavily against Brittany and Brittany could tell that she was asleep by the way her warm, deep breaths blew steadily against the side of her neck. Brittany yawned and slowly dragged her fingertips up and down Santana's arm, turning her head to place a kiss on the shorter woman's forehead. "Santana." She whispered. "Wake up, baby."

Santana let out a mumble of protest and cuddled even closer to Brittany as she slowly cracked her eyes open. Brittany gently smoothed down Santana's messy hair and shot her a sweet smile. Santana returned the smile sleepily. "Hi."

"Hey." Brittany grinned, stroking her thumb down Santana's jaw. "Let's go to bed. You have to get up early tomorrow and you're tired."

"Okay." Santana mumbled, pulling herself upright and stretching her arms out above her head.

Brittany got up to turn off the TV and quickly walked around the apartment to turn off all the lights and check to see if the door was locked before returning to Santana who was still seated on the couch. Her heart melted at the sight of Santana's droopy eyes and she closed the distance between them, bringing her hands up to stroke her fingers through dark locks. Santana sighed happily and leaned her head against Brittany's stomach.

"Come on." Brittany said softly.

She coaxed Santana into a standing position and led her into the bedroom. They brushed their teeth and got changed before crawling under the covers. Santana rolled onto her side and smiled when Brittany settled behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist protectively. She tangled their legs together and slowly ran her hand over Brittany's thigh, caressing the exposed skin. "Goodnight, Britt."

Brittany pressed a kiss to the back of Santana's neck and closed her eyes. "Good night, San."

* * *

"Do you have everything?" Brittany asked as she walked Santana to the door the following morning. Santana rummaged through her purse to check if she had brought everything she needed before looking at Brittany and nodding in confirmation. The blonde pursed her lips as they came to a stop. "I wish I could drop you off at the airport."

"I know, babe." Santana said as she placed her hands on Brittany's hips and pulled her closer. "But I understand that you have to be at the studio."

"Yeah." Brittany mumbled, her pout still in place. She sighed and glanced into warm, brown orbs. "Call me when you get there, okay?"

"Always." Santana replied, reaching up to adjust to collar of Brittany's sweatshirt. She brushed her lips over Brittany's to make her pout go away before pressing a light kiss to them. She pulled Brittany even closer and enveloped her in a tight hug, breathing out slowly when she felt her wife's arms wrap around her shoulders. "I love you."

"I love you too." Brittany replied, her voice muffled because her face was pressed against Santana's shoulder. "Please be safe."

"I will be." Santana assured her, rubbing her back comfortingly. They embraced for a little while longer until the brunette pulled back. She reached up to caress Brittany's cheek and couldn't stop herself from pressing another kiss to her lips. When she pulled back, Brittany was finally smiling and she let out a sigh of relief. "I should go."

"Okay." Brittany whispered, watching as Santana picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. She held open the door and Santana shot her one last smile before stepping outside. Brittany leaned against the doorframe and gave Santana an encouraging look. "I'll talk to you soon."

Santana nodded, and Brittany followed her with her eyes as she walked away, waiting until she was completely out of sight before going back inside and closing the door behind her. She ran her fingers through her hair and made her way into the bedroom to get ready for work.

* * *

When Brittany came home from work that night, a sad feeling squeezed her heart at how empty the apartment felt without Santana's presence. She sighed but shook it off and went to take a shower. A little while later, she was sitting on the couch with a plate of food in her hands. She stared at the TV but couldn't really concentrate on what was happening on the screen.

It were moments like these that were the hardest. She knew that Santana was safe because she had called her earlier but being so far away from her wife always made her anxious, even though she also knew that she wasn't alone to help out if needed. She had friends, family, but it was like her mind just wouldn't listen to her.

She swallowed a few times and picked up her glass of water, taking a few sips. It was completely silent in the apartment, apart from the sounds of the TV, and that unsettled her. She set her glass down again along with her plate and leaned back comfortably against the couch.

She knew that she had to calm herself down before it was too late so she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, repeating Dr. Hill's words in her head. _Breathe in for four seconds. Hold your breath for seven seconds. Exhale breath for eight seconds. Repeat._ After a few minutes, the tight feeling in her chest disappeared and she felt the tension disappear from her body too.

Brittany smiled to herself. A few years ago, she couldn't control her anxiety at all but now she was almost always able to keep herself from panicking. It showed how much progress she had made. She didn't admit it often but she was proud of herself.

She stood up and walked over to the bookshelf. She let her fingers glide over the covers before picking out a book. Grabbing a blanket on her way back, she settled comfortably on the couch and got ready to spend the next few hours relaxing.

Before she knew it, it was past ten o'clock and she decided to go to bed early. She got ready for bed and had just settled under the covers when her phone buzzed. A smile automatically lit up her face when she saw Santana's name pop up on her screen, indicating that she had a new text message. In the message, Santana asked her if she could come online on Skype and she quickly grabbed her laptop.

"Hey." Brittany smiled brightly when Santana's face appeared on the screen.

"Hi baby." Santana said cheerfully. She was in her hotel room, relaxing on her bed. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she was wearing a sweater that she had borrowed from Brittany. She looked absolutely adorable and Brittany's heart fluttered in her chest as she took in the sight of her. "You weren't already asleep, were you?"

"Not yet." Brittany replied as she pulled herself upright, leaning back against the headboard. "How was your day?"

"Busy." Santana told her simply, just before a yawn escaped her mouth. Brittany watched her silently with a soft smile on her face. She knew that these trips could be exhausting for Santana so she loved how her wife always tried to make time to Skype with her. "What about yours? How was work?"

"It was good." Brittany said softly, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "I miss you."

A small smile graced Santana's features as she tilted her head in adoration. "I miss you too."

"I don't like sleeping without you but I know it's for a good reason." Brittany mumbled, reaching up to shyly tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes flickered down to her hands as her cheeks heated up slightly. "I'm really proud of you, Santana. You've accomplished so much over the last few years. I mean look at you, you're in L.A. representing one of the best known magazines in the world. You're amazing."

"Britt." Santana whined, not sure how to react to Brittany's sudden shower of compliments. "Thank you."

Brittany shrugged as she looked up again. "So, what did you have for dinner?"

"Nothing special. I ordered room service." Santana said, shifting slightly to get more comfortable.

Brittany nodded but stayed quiet. Her eyes flickered around the room as her thoughts wandered off without her even realizing. Lately, she had been thinking about starting a family with Santana more and more often. The thought of sharing an experience like having kids with the love of her life made her heart speed up in the best possible way. However, she wasn't sure if Santana also felt like they were ready and she was a little afraid to bring it up. They had gotten a lot better at communicating than they were in the early stages of their relationship but this was something she felt really nervous about and she didn't even know how to start a conversation about this topic.

"Babe?" Santana called out softly, frowning when Brittany's eyes snapped back to hers. "What were you thinking about?"

Brittany cleared her throat and ducked her head, trying to hide the blush that was quickly spreading across her cheeks. "Nothing." She said quickly, not giving Santana the chance to ask more questions. "You should get some sleep. You look tired."

"I guess I am a little." Santana agreed. She was silent for a moment as she carefully studied Brittany's features. "Are you sure you're okay? Have you been feeling anxious at all?"

"Nothing different than usual." Brittany told her truthfully. "I felt a little panicky when I came home from work but I calmed myself down." Santana nodded with a small smile. "Don't look at me like that."

"I can't help it." Santana chuckled softly. "I'm just so happy that you've been doing so well."

Brittany couldn't help but smile. "Me too."

Santana looked at her for a moment before she spoke again. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good night, baby." Santana said as she blew a kiss to the screen. Brittany pretended to catch the kiss and pressed her hand to her chest, eliciting a laugh from Santana that sounded like music to her ears. "I love you."

Brittany sent her a beaming smile. "I love you too."

She waited for the screen to go black before closing her laptop and setting it aside. She got comfortable under the covers again on Santana's side of the bed, burying her face in the pillow and inhaling the familiar scent of her wife. She sighed and closed her eyes, hoping to fall asleep soon.


	2. Chapter 2

_Still a bit fillery._

 **Chapter 2.**

Santana quietly closed the door behind her as she tiptoed into the apartment. It was still early in the morning so she knew Brittany would still be asleep. Brittany had insisted on picking her up from the airport but Santana had reassured her that she could easily take a cab. After being gone for three days, she couldn't wait to spend a quiet day at home together. Luckily it was Saturday so she planned on doing just that.

A huge smile instantly appeared on Santana's face when she walked into the bedroom. Like she had already predicted, Brittany was still fast asleep and curled up in bed. She was lying on Santana's side of the bed and was cuddling a pillow closely to her chest. Santana crossed the room as silently as she could before hurriedly stripping down to her t-shirt and underwear. She then lifted the covers and slipped into bed next to her wife.

She leaned in and pressed a light kiss to Brittany's cheek, exhaling softly against it before moving sideways to her lips and leaving a kiss there as well. Brittany scrunched up her nose and reached out for Santana in her sleep, curling her fingers around the other woman's t-shirt. Santana smiled softly and placed her hand on Brittany's arm that was still clutching the pillow, gently stroking the skin until her grip loosened. She carefully pried away the pillow and tossed it aside, shushing Brittany softly when she let out a sleepy whine.

"Come here, sweetheart." Santana murmured quietly, slipping her arm around Brittany's waist. Brittany let out a content sigh and allowed Santana to pull her closer before rolling almost completely on top of her. Santana smiled in amusement and moved to lie flat on her back, holding her wife tightly as she cuddled into her, resting her head on her chest.

Santana rubbed Brittany's back and pressed a kiss to her temple, a warm feeling flowing through her body. There was nowhere she felt more at ease than with Brittany, holding her closely.

Finally, Brittany stirred in her arms and breathed out slowly against her neck. Santana continued to gently stroke her back as she slowly woke up, blinking a few times before blearily cracking her eyes open, staring up at Santana with unfocused eyes.

Santana chuckled and ran her fingers through Brittany's messy hair. "You look so cute right now."

Brittany blinked a few times before a droopy smile spread across her features. "Hi."

"Hey." Santana grinned, curling her hand around the back of Brittany's neck. She gently tugged her down and brought their lips together in a simple kiss that still sent tingles down her spine. She let out a soft laugh against Brittany's mouth when the taller woman murmured some words of approval, obviously still half asleep. Pulling back, she stroked the back of her hand down Brittany's cheek. "Go back to sleep, Britt."

"Okay." Brittany whispered, resting her head on Santana's chest again. She sighed when she felt Santana's arms wrap around waist, pressing a sloppy kiss to the brunette's neck. "Missed you."

"I missed you too, baby." Santana said softly, nuzzling her nose into Brittany's hair. She waited until she heard Brittany's breathing even out before closing her own eyes, allowing her exhaustion to catch up with her.

She was awoken a few hours later by the feeling of cold fingers caressing her face. A yawn escaped her mouth as she slowly blinked open her eyes. She immediately found herself drowning in pools of blue and a smile lit up her face before she could stop it. Brittany was hovering over her, her fingers gently stroking her cheek. "Hey."

"Hi." Santana said softly, her gaze flickering down to Brittany's lips.

Brittany grinned in understanding before leaning down to teasingly graze her lips over Santana's soft ones. The brunette rolled her eyes and reached up to curl her fingers around Brittany's wrist, craning her neck to capture her wife's lips in a kiss. Brittany sighed into it and applied more pressure, trailing her tongue over Santana's bottom lip.

They parted and Brittany smiled down at Santana. "I'm really glad you're home."

"Me too." Santana mumbled. "Did everything go okay?"

Santana knew that Brittany could take care of herself but she still wanted to check. Her anxiety could be triggered by multiple things and she knew being alone with her own thoughts for too long was one of them. Brittany was the type of person to overthink everything and there were some things that she rather avoided thinking about altogether.

"Yeah, everything went fine." Brittany told her softly with a shy smile, pulling her back to reality. She nudged Santana's legs apart so that she could lie in between them, folding her arms on the brunette's stomach and resting her chin on them. "You know I would've called you if otherwise."

"I know." Santana said as she gently ran her fingers through Brittany's hair. "I just wanted to make sure."

Brittany nodded and opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again. She bit her lip in thought, wondering if now was the right time to bring up what had been on her mind for weeks. Santana noticed the troubled expression on her face and frowned in concern, moving her hand down to cup her cheek, caressing the skin just below her ear with her thumb. "Do you…" Brittany started but trailed off, losing her nerve. Santana gave her a small nod in encouragement and she inhaled deeply before backing out altogether. "Nevermind."

"No, tell me." Santana insisted, her face scrunched up in confusion.

Brittany slightly lifted her head and smiled sheepishly. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter, Britt." Santana protested. She studied Brittany's features for a moment, trying to figure out what she was thinking. "What's going on?"

"I understand that you can't always be here because your job's important and I'm totally fine with that." Brittany began to explain, her cheeks heating up slightly as she opted to look at Santana's nose rather than her eyes. This wasn't where she had meant to take the conversation but panic had taken over. "And it's not like you're away that often but sometimes I just miss having someone to cuddle with, you know?"

"Brittany." Santana murmured endearingly. She placed two fingers under Brittany's chin and tilted her face up, encouraging her to make eye-contact. Brittany reluctantly did so and Santana smiled warmly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I don't want you to feel bad." Brittany replied, glancing away again. "I really don't mind that you travel for work sometimes and I don't want to sound clingy or annoying or…"

"Babe stop." Santana interrupted her, stroking her thumb over an adorably flushed cheek. "You're not being any of those things and stop feeling guilty about it. I just don't really understand what you're trying to say."

Brittany knew that now was the right time to just say what she was thinking. Santana's eyes were warm and loving, somewhat putting her at ease. She swallowed a few times and willed herself to speak but her mouth refused to form words. "Nothing." She finally breathed out, the blush on her face spreading all the way to the tips of her ears. "I just missed you. That's all."

Santana narrowed her eyes skeptically but decided to let it go. She twirled a strand of Brittany's hair around her finger before tucking it behind her wife's ear. "Well…" She drawled out, waiting for Brittany's eyes to meet her own. "How about we spend the day in bed? Just relax and watch some movies?"

"Sounds good." Brittany smiled a little, causing Santana to smile too. She pushed herself up and placed her hands on either side of Santana's head, leaning down to kiss her gently. Santana angled her head to the side, slightly parting her lips when she felt Brittany's tongue dart out. She wrapped her legs around Brittany's thighs to keep her in place as their lips moved together more rapidly. A moan left her lips when Brittany rolled her hips into hers, grinding their centers together.

"Britt." Santana moaned as Brittany placed kisses on her jaw, moving down to her neck. A shiver tore through her frame as the blonde sucked on the sensitive skin, lightly swirling her tongue over the spot before soothing it with a delicate kiss. She wrapped her arms around Brittany's torso, her eyes squeezed shut as her wife continued to manipulate her body in the best possible ways.

Suddenly, all contact was gone as Brittany abruptly pulled away and rolled off her. Santana groaned in frustration and opened her eyes, shooting Brittany a confused look. Brittany smiled and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek before pulling herself upright. "You get your cute butt in the shower and I'll make breakfast."

"But…"

"I want to get our cuddle on, San." Brittany said casually, putting on a pair of sweatpants. "See you later, alligator."

She quickly left the room, dodging the pillow that came flying her way, leaving Santana to glare at the ceiling.

* * *

"I knew this was a bad idea." Santana mumbled unhappily, leaning against the kitchen counter. She looked at Brittany who was finishing setting the table and let out a deep sigh, scowling at the clock on the wall again. "I hate people who aren't on time."

Brittany bit her lip to hide her smile of amusement as she walked closer to Santana, placing her hands on her wife's hips and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "It's not as if you're always on time, San."

"Sometimes I like to make an entrance." Santana said with a shrug, her eyes flickering up to meet Brittany's. She crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw set tight in a stubborn expression. "When you're going to meet your girlfriend's best friend, the least you can do is be on time."

"I'm sure there's a reason as to why they're late." Brittany pursed her lips thoughtfully, rubbing slow circles over Santana's hip bones with her thumbs in an attempt to calm her. "But I love that you care so much."

Santana smiled, shrugging her shoulders.

Finally, there was a knock on the door and Santana had yanked it open faster than Brittany could blink. She was prepared to scold the two about being late but Quinn didn't give her the chance to speak. "I'm so sorry for being late." She rushed out. "But Tom had a last minute emergency at work."

"Yeah it's my fault." The tall guy that was standing next to her said with an apologetic smile.

Santana blinked. "It's fine."

"It's great to finally meet you." Tom offered her his hand. "Quinn has told me so much about you."

"Is that so?" Santana shook his hand before pulling away and gesturing for them to come inside.

"Absolutely." Tom told her with a grin, placing his hand on Quinn's shoulder. "She mostly assured me that even though you can be intimidating, you're harmless."

"Tom." Quinn hissed under her breath, giving him a nudge in the ribs.

Santana arched an eyebrow at them. "I'm not going to lie. I'm protective of my friends."

"I can't blame you for that." Tom smiled at her, removing his hand from Quinn's shoulder to brush it through his short, dark hair. "Quinn's like family to you, right? Of course you're going to look out for her."

Santana narrowed her eyes before nodding slowly. "Exactly."

"San, you're not already interrogating the poor guy, are you?" Brittany's voice sounded before she appeared next to them, a small smile gracing her features. She slipped her arm around Santana's waist and pulled her into her as she looked at Tom. "Hi I'm Brittany."

"It's nice to meet you." Tom smiled at her.

"Are you guys hungry?" Brittany asked. "The food's ready."

"It smells delicious." Quinn commented as they made their way towards the table.

Brittany offered to get the food while Santana poured everyone a drink. Soon everyone was seated and Santana was the first one to speak up, her fork stabbing away at the salad on her plate as she looked at Tom intensely. "So what kind of work do you do?"

"I'm a vet." Tom informed her. The way his eyes lit up let her know that he truly loved his job and that made her smile a bit. She always loved it when people were passionate about something. "Or an animal doctor as my little sister calls it."

"That's cute." Brittany said quietly, taking a sip from her wine.

Tom smiled at her. "I actually met Quinn at work."

"But you don't have any pets." Santana frowned at her friend.

"No I don't." Quinn rolled her eyes. "But my Rachel does. Her cat needed a check-up but a last minute appointment made it impossible for her to go and she didn't want to cancel so she asked me to go instead."

Santana looked amused but didn't say anything.

"How long have you two been married?" Tom asked curiously, wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin.

"Four years." Santana could barely contain the wide smile that threatened to creep onto her face. She cleared her throat and reached over to place her hand on Brittany's thigh. "Britt asked me to marry her on our one year anniversary."

Brittany groaned, her cheeks instantly coloring a light shade of red. "Please not this story again."

Quinn chuckled at the look on Brittany's face. "Are you still embarrassed about that?"

"Okay now you've made me curious." Tom's eyes flickered between Quinn and Brittany.

"Let's just say that the proposal didn't exactly go the way Brittany wanted it to go." Santana explained vaguely, gently rubbing her hand up and down Brittany's thigh. She felt her heart flutter in her chest as she thought back to the night of the proposal and how nervous Brittany had been to the point she almost vomited. Her lips curled up into a soft smile and she couldn't stop herself from pressing a kiss to the blonde's cheek. "But it was perfect to me."

"You are so disgustingly cute together and it only seems to become worse with the years." Quinn scrunched up her nose, a playful glimmer in her eyes.

"Well she said yes so you must've done something right." Tom told Brittany as he scrunched up his napkin before putting it on his now empty plate. "That was one of the best meals I've had in a long time."

"You're just saying that to get on my good side." Santana said seriously, although her demeanour had softened considerably. Tom seemed like a nice guy. She knew that Quinn's dating life wasn't really any of her business but she couldn't help but be protective of the people she cared about. It was in her nature and everything she had been through hadn't really helped either.

"I'm being honest." Tom replied, placing his hand on the back of Quinn's chair.

"Whatever, Mr. Charming." Santana mumbled in a teasing voice, pushing her chair backwards to get to her feet. "Who wants another drink?"

* * *

At the end of the night, Santana had come to the conclusion that Tom did indeed seem like a nice guy. He was funny and it was obvious that Quinn really liked him so she was willing to give him a chance. As they were standing by the door, they all exchanged hugs, before Quinn spoke up with a bright smile. "Dinner was great. Thanks for having us over."

"You're always welcome here. You know that." Santana told her friend genuinely before her eyes found Tom's brown ones. "It was nice to meet you."

He nodded at her. "You too."

"Get home safely." Santana called after them as they left the apartment and began to walk down the corridor. The couple promised to do as requested and they stood there for a little while longer before closing the door. She turned to Brittany and wrapped her arms around her wife's waist, pulling her close. "And?"

"And what?" Brittany asked, loosely draping her arms around Santana.

"What'd you think?" Santana asked softly, beginning a slow trail of kisses along her Brittany's neck.

"She's okay." Brittany whispered, distracted by the feeling of Santana's lips that were now nibbling on her earlobe. She shuddered and pulled back, smiling when Santana pouted cutely in disappointment. As she stared into slightly dazed brown eyes, she smirked and tucked a strand of hair behind her wife's ear. "You're drunk."

"I'm not." Santana protested, trying to kiss her.

Brittany gently pushed her away. "Santana."

"Maybe a little tipsy." The brunette finally admitted before she successfully crashed their lips together. Brittany groaned into the contact, tangling her fingers into Santana's hair and kissing her back heatedly. She whimpered when Santana's tongue darted out, trailing across her bottom lip before pulling the flesh between her teeth. She hadn't even realized that Santana was guiding them backwards until she bumped into the table.

"Babe." Brittany whispered shakily, craning her neck to give Santana more access. A moan escaped her lips when the brunette shoved her thigh between her legs, applying enough pressure to drive her insane. "Shouldn't w-we clean up?"

"Later." Santana mumbled. "Now touch me."

Brittany groaned and lifted the smaller woman up who instinctively wrapped her legs around her waist in response, her squeak of surprise muffled as Brittany brought their lips together in another kiss. The brunette placed her hands on the sides of her wife's neck, stroking her jaw with her thumbs as their tongues brushed against each other.

Brittany taking control like this sent shivers of excitement up and down Santana's spine. Brittany had gotten a lot more confident in the bedroom but Santana was usually the one to take the initiative because her insecurities were still present, although in the background. She had come to accept that her fears would always be there but she trusted Santana with her life and she was the only one who could truly make her feel beautiful.

"I love you." Santana whispered against Brittany's lips after the blonde had gently put her down on the bed and was now settled on top of her. She wrapped her arms around Brittany's shoulders, pulling her closer as the kiss grew in intensity. They were both running out of breath but neither wanted to pull away. She ran her hands up and down the taller woman's sides before slipping them underneath her t-shirt, lightly scratching her skin.

"I love you too, San." Brittany was breathing heavily as she hovered over Santana, their faces only inches apart. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her cheeks flushed, as she pressed her body closer to Santana's. "I love you so much."

Santana smiled softly, bringing her hand up to Brittany's face to gently stroke her cheek. She brushed her thumb over Brittany's bottom lip before kissing her softly, wrapping her legs around her waist and lightly pressing down on her lower back to urge her on.

* * *

"Holy shit." Santana fell back on the pillow, sweaty and spent.

"I know." Brittany agreed smugly as she draped her body over Santana's, intertwining their legs. She crossed her arms just below Santana's breasts, resting her chin on them and looking up at Santana with a sweet smile. Her eyes were more open and clearer than ever and Brittany knew that the alcohol from before was starting to wear off. Santana smiled lovingly and placed her hands on Brittany's back, rubbing it gently.

"I meant what I said before." She said softly, her fingers gently massaging the slight tension out of Brittany's muscles. She then brushed Brittany's hair over one shoulder and began to move her hand across her shoulder blades in long strokes. "You really do make me so happy. We've been through so much together, both good and bad things, and I wouldn't trade my time with you for the world."

Brittany tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, smiling bashfully. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Santana."

"I want that too, baby." Santana murmured endearingly.

They were silent for a while, both lost in their own thoughts. Brittany fought the urge to close her eyes as Santana gently rubbed her back. Santana always managed to send her into a state of complete relaxation. She wanted to hold onto this feeling and never let go of it. The thought of losing Santana scared her more than anything because she knew that her heart would never be capable of loving someone as much as she loved Santana. As she looked into Santana's eyes, she finally found the courage to speak her mind. "Do you ever think about our future?"

"What do you mean?" Santana asked, sliding her hand up to the nape of Brittany's neck.

"Do you ever think…" Brittany trailed off, losing her confidence. Her eyes flickered away from Santana's, unable to maintain eye-contact as a result of how nervous she suddenly felt. Santana could read Brittany like an open book so she immediately picked up on it. She cupped her chin, tilting her face back up and encouraging her to continue with a reassuring nod of her head. Brittany took a deep breath in preparation. "Do you ever think about kids?"

Santana was taken aback by the question but not in a bad way. She tenderly brushed some hair out of Brittany's face, smoothing her thumb over the apple of her cheek. "Of course I do. Why?"

"I don't know." Brittany shrugged, chewing on her bottom lip in thought. She didn't know how to steer this conversation into the direction she wanted it to go. She couldn't help but be scared. She didn't want to mess things up by saying the wrong things. Her cheeks heated up as she looked away again, uncrossing her arms and sliding her body upwards so that she could rest her head on Santana's chest. "I know that we both want kids because we've discussed that before but… I guess I've been thinking about it a lot recently."

Santana trailed her fingertips up and down Brittany's spine as her other hand settled on her hip. She was silent for a moment as she processed Brittany's words, trying to make sense of them. "And why is that?"

"I don't know." Brittany blinked hard, growing a little frustrated with herself. She listened to Santana's steady heartbeat for a few seconds, letting it calm her. "When do you think…"

"When do I think we'll be ready?" Santana finished the sentence for her when she realized that she wasn't going to continue. "I don't know."

Brittany tensed slightly. That wasn't the answer she had been hoping for. Her heart began to beat faster as a million thought raced through her mind. Did this mean Santana thought they weren't ready right now? Would it be a horrible idea to bring up the suggestion of starting a family now? She wanted to but maybe Santana didn't yet. She closed her eyes. "Soon?"

Santana's brow furrowed in confusion. The thought of having kids with Brittany made her heart speed up in the best possible way. She knew that she wanted to be with Brittany for the rest of her life and kids seemed like the next logical step in their marriage. However, she knew that Brittany sometimes worried about not being good enough for her and she didn't want her to do anything just because it felt like the right thing to do. She let out another sigh, her head starting to hurt from all the thinking.

"When we're both ready." She finally told Brittany, tightening her arms around her. "Kids are a huge responsibility and I want to make sure that we do it right. Both our hearts needs to be in it before we make a decision like that."

"I know that." Brittany whispered a bit defensively, fighting back her tears. Hadn't Santana basically just told her that she wasn't ready yet? She didn't blame her wife but her heart plummeted nonetheless. She wished that she had never brought it up. Biting her lip, she buried her face even further into the curve of Santana's neck.

"Britt?" The brunette called out softly, her hand grazing the side of Brittany's breast. "Don't you want me to…"

Brittany shook her head. She wasn't turned on anymore. She just wanted to go to sleep. Santana didn't know what to make of the sudden change in mood. It seemed like Brittany wasn't planning on moving anytime soon so she shifted a little and managed to pull the covers over them.

It didn't take long for Santana to fall asleep but Brittany lay awake for hours.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

Brittany checked her hair in the reflection of the window, frowning unhappily when she saw what a tangled mess it had become as a result of the wind. Luckily, she was only meeting up with Noah for lunch so it didn't matter much. She pushed the door open and looked around, trying to locate her friend and smiling when she spotted him by the counter. She walked up to him, slightly pushing herself up on her toes to speak into his ear. "Boo."

Noah whirled around and grinned when he saw her. "I'm glad you finally decided to show up."

"Shut up." Brittany playfully rolled her eyes. "Be glad I decided to show up at all. I'm a busy woman."

Noah placed his hand on his chest, sighing dramatically. "I feel so special."

Brittany shrugged out of her jacket and stepped closer to the counter, smiling widely when her eyes met familiar blue ones. "Hey Marley."

"It's so good to see you, Britt." Marley returned the smile, leaning forwards to give the blonde a quick hug. The angle was slightly awkward but neither of them cared. They still talked a lot on the phone but it had been a while since they had last seen each other in person. "How are you?"

"Good. Just busy with work." Brittany replied as they parted. She looked at Noah. "Have you ordered yet?"

"Nope." Noah said, his eyes scanning the menu that was hanging above the counter. He tapped his finger against his chin, appearing to be deep in thought, but Brittany knew that he was just trying to be funny as always. He had been there so many times that Brittany was sure he knew the menu by heart by now. "I'll just have a cheeseburger and fries. Oh and a large coke."

"I'll have the same please." Brittany said with a slight shake of her head. "But with water instead of a coke."

"Coming right up." Marley scribbled down the order before passing it on to the kitchen.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Noah announced.

"Okay." Brittany watched as he walked away before she took a seat on one of the stools, resting her forearms on the counter. Sometimes she missed working at Joey's because even though it was exhausting and boring, she had always loved working with her friends. But, she would never give up her job at the studio. It was her dream job and she was so happy that she had found the courage to follow her dreams with the help of Santana. She wondered if Tina and Marley ever dreamed of doing more than this but she knew that if that were the case, it was something they had to figure out on their own. Besides, all that really mattered was if they were happy or not and as far as Brittany knew they both were.

"What are you thinking about?" Marley's curious voice pulled her from her thoughts.

Brittany smiled shyly, slightly embarrassed about being caught daydreaming. "Nothing."

"If you say so." Marley said in a sing-songy voice.

Brittany felt a blush creep onto her cheeks so she quickly lowered her gaze as she changed the subject. "How have you been?"

"Good." Marley said without any hesitation, and when Brittany looked up and saw the sparkle in her eyes, she knew that she was telling the truth. It made Brittany happy to see that her friend was doing so well. She had been through a lot and yet she was still standing strong. It couldn't really be compared to what Brittany had gone through but it still felt like they could relate to each other and Brittany thought that that was one of reasons why their friendship was so strong. Although, she had never told Marley about her accident and sometimes she felt guilty about it because she knew everything about Marley's life.

"Did you work things out with your neighbor?" She asked, her lips curling up into a smile.

Marley had moved into a new apartment building several months ago and right from the start there had been friction between her and her neighbor. The guy was rude and played music late at night. Marley had tried to talk to him a few times but he usually ended up slamming the door in her face. Brittany knew that it was bad to be amused by all this but it was kind of funny to see Marley ranting when she was usually such a calm person.

"Kitty did actually." Marley told her, perking her interest. "I don't know what she said to him but he's been incredibly quiet ever since."

Brittany hummed thoughtfully. "You and Kitty have gotten close."

Marley faltered, her eyes glazing over with an emotion that Brittany didn't recognize. "Yeah we're really good friends."

"Just friends?"

Marley's eyes widened considerably and Brittany would've found it funny if it weren't for the look of sheer horror on her face. It was as if Brittany had just suggested the strangest thing in the world and for a moment she felt guilty for even bringing it up in the first place. "W-What? Of course we're just friends."

Brittany narrowed her eyes as she studied Marley's features carefully. She could tell that she was nervous by the way she was avoiding eye-contact and she couldn't help but think that maybe there was some truth to what Santana had told her after all. "Okay, calm down. It was just a question."

Marley nodded, visibly relaxing.

Brittany chewed on her bottom lip, hesitating, before she softly said Marley's name to get her attention. "I just wanted to remind you that I'm always here for you."

Marley looked at her for what seemed like forever, confusion glimmering in her eyes, and then her whole body seemed to deflate as she nodded slowly. "Thanks Britt."

Before Brittany had the chance to say anything else, Noah returned, effectively putting an end to their conversation. He sat down on the stool next to her and they chatted lightly as they waited for their food. Brittany learned that Noah had dumped the girl he dated for a few months and when she asked him if he was planning on ever settling down, he just shrugged and told her that he hadn't met the right woman yet.

They moved to a table in the corner when their food was ready because Brittany wanted to talk to him somewhat privately. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about what Santana had said to her about starting a family. Part of her felt like maybe she was being too dramatic but she couldn't help it because she loved Santana more than anything and she was so ready to take the next step in their life together. Not knowing if Santana felt the same way made her feel scared and insecure.

Noah seemed to sense that there was something bothering her because he asked her about it before she even had the chance to bring it up herself. "What's going on, Britt?"

"Nothing." Brittany denied it at first, not wanting to bring down the mood.

"Come on, I know you." Noah wiped the corner of his mouth with a napkin, shooting her look that said: 'I see right through your bullshit and you know it'. Brittany did know. "I can see that you're worried about something. Did something happen?"

"Not really." Brittany mumbled, dipping a few fries into the ketchup on the corner of her plate. "It's just that…"

"It's just what?"

"I think I want to have a baby with Santana." Brittany blurted out, blushing when she realized what she had said.

Noah took a moment to process her words before he nodded in understanding. "Are you sure you're ready?"

"Yeah." Brittany said with a small smile, her heart fluttering in her chest just at the idea itself. "I mean, Santana's 29, I'm 28, we both have jobs and a stable income, and most importantly we love each other. I think now would be the best time."

Noah mirrored her smile. "And what does Santana think?"

Brittany's eyes dropped to the table. "That's the problem."

"She said no?" Noah frowned.

Brittany shook her head, a solemn expression washing over her features. "I haven't asked her yet."

"Why not?"

"I'm scared." Brittany admitted, shoving her plate away from her as she seemed to have lost all her appetite. She sighed when Noah immediately stole some of her fries, shrugging as she tried to get her thoughts in order. "I kind of brought it up the other night and she said that she thinks we should wait until we're both ready. I guess that means she's not ready right now. I don't want to force her into doing anything. I know her. She loves me so much that she'd do anything for me, even if she doesn't want it herself, and that wouldn't be right."

Noah rubbed his hand over his chin. "I'm sorry, Brittany, I wish I could give you some advice that would give you answers but I think we both know that the only way to figure this out is by talking to Santana herself."

"I know." Brittany said softly, suddenly feeling foolish.

"Just talk to her." Noah stressed. "You already know that she wants kids so what's the worst that can happen?"

Brittany knew that she was going to have to talk to Santana at some point. It was a conclusion that she easily could've drawn herself. She let out a deep breath and looked at Noah, her nose scrunching up in defeat. "You're right."

Noah grinned. "I'm always right."

"Shut up, Puckerman."

* * *

Brittany returned to the studio after lunch. She taught a class before retreating into her office where she went over some paperwork until Santana called her to ask if she had to pick anything up for her at the store on her way home. After Brittany told her that that wasn't necessary, they chatted for another minute before hanging up.

The rest of the day passed slowly and Brittany was just about to pack up her things when she was interrupted by a knock on the door. She stretched her arms out above her head, leaning back in her chair, before telling the person to come in. To her surprise, her student, Chloe, walked inside, a bright smile gracing her face. Brittany's smile, on the other hand, fell almost instantly although she wasn't exactly sure why.

"Hello." She tried her best to inject some cheer into her voice but failed miserably. "How can I help you?"

Chloe walked closer to her desk, her ponytail bouncing gracefully with each step. "I wanted to ask you a question."

Brittany felt nervous all of a sudden, her stomach churning uncomfortably. She didn't know what it was about the girl but something made her want to run away and never look back. She felt her palms began to sweat as she swallowed thickly. "What is it?"

"I was wondering," She drawled out, finally coming to a stop in front of her. "If there's any way you can give me some private lessons? I could really use the practice."

Brittany opened and closed her mouth a few times but no words came out. Something about Chloe's presence was incredibly intimidating and she couldn't help but feel small. Her office certainly seemed a lot smaller all of a sudden and it was like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the air. She had to swallow again before she finally managed to utter out a reply. "You would have to pay extra for that."

"Aw come on." The dark-haired girl pouted, walking around the desk and sitting down on the edge right next to Brittany. She leaned forward, causing Brittany to squirm uneasily as her personal space was invaded. "Are you sure you can't make an exception?"

Brittany shook her head and wheeled her chair backwards. "I'm sorry."

"I just want to become the best dancer I can be and you're such a good teacher." Chloe said, looking at her intently. Brittany was blushing so furiously that even the tips of her ears were burning and it wasn't the good kind of blushing. It was the kind that screamed 'uncomfortable' but Chloe took no notice. Instead, she reached out and placed her hand on Brittany's arm, her fingers lightly tickling the skin until Brittany moved backwards even more, angling herself out of reach. "I like your necklace."

"Are you flirting with me?" Brittany dead-panned, wide-eyed.

Chloe seemed shocked by the blunt question but then a smile formed on her face and she let out an airy chuckle. "Would that be a problem?"

"Yes." Brittany rushed out, her heart pounding in her chest. "I already told you I have a wife who I'm very much in love with."

Chloe faltered as her confidence seemed to waver but then her bright smile returned just as quickly as it had disappeared. She sat back, creating a slight distance between them that made Brittany breathe out a sigh of relief, but made no sign of leaving. "Don't worry about me. I just want some extra lessons. That's all."

"Like I said, you'll have to pay for them." Brittany told her, finally able to relax a little.

Chloe's smile fell again and was replaced by a look of sadness this time. "I can't really afford the extra costs right now." She bit her lip. "Are you sure we can't work anything out? No one will have to know. It can stay between us."

"I'm afraid not." Brittany replied, her eyebrows pinching together. She suddenly felt bad. She hated disappointing people but she didn't really have another choice because it wouldn't be fair to make an exception only for Chloe. She sighed. "But if it counts for something, I think you're already a great dancer."

Chloe's face lit up. "Really?"

Brittany simply nodded. Chloe's eyes found hers again and she was only able to hold eye-contact for a few seconds before she looked away, awkwardly clearing her throat as she got to her feet. She quickly picked up her bag and shoved her laptop into it. "I have to go now. Santana is waiting for me."

"Santana is your wife?" Chloe asked.

"Yes." Brittany answered the question proudly.

Chloe just let out a humming sound before she also got to her feet. They left Brittany's office and Brittany fidgeted with her keys as she tried to lock the door behind them, sensing how close Chloe was standing behind her. A wave of euphoria washed over her when she finally managed to lock it and she whirled around. She quickly brushed passed the girl, mumbling a hurried "bye" before quickly walking towards the exit, feeling a pair of dark eyes following her.

* * *

Brittany had the full intention of bringing up the topic of having a baby to Santana when she got home. She was still nervous but she knew that this was something she had to do. Even if Santana wasn't ready, she would respect that. She didn't want to be selfish and her wife's happiness mattered most to her. If there's one thing she had learned over the years, it was how important communication was. She would never forgive herself if she hurt Santana again by not talking to her.

But, when she walked into their apartment, Santana wasn't waiting for her like she had been expecting her to. Whenever she was home earlier than Santana, she'd cook dinner, and when Santana was home earlier than her, she was the one doing the cooking. That's how it always went so Brittany was surprised when she didn't find Santana in the kitchen. There were some vegetables spread out on the counter which told her that Santana had started dinner but had stopped halfway through.

Concern took hold of Brittany's body like a fever and she could feel her heartbeat pick up in speed. She dropped her keys on the table, her voice shaking slightly with worry as she called out Santana's name for the third time. There was still no reply and Brittany willed herself not to panic. She walked towards the bedroom and she stopped dead in her tracks when she heard it; sniffling. The sound was faint but it was definitely there and Brittany felt her heart plummet in her chest as dread consumed her.

"San?" She called out again, her voice gentle. She slowly pushed the door open and her heart broke, no shattered was the right word, when she saw Santana curled up in bed, tear streaks visible on her cheeks. It was obvious that she had been crying for a while and the fear that was coursing through Brittany's veins was instantly forgotten as the strong need to comfort her wife pushed its way into her mind. She quickly rushed over to the brunette and knelt down beside her. "Hey, what happened?"

Santana's face crumbled as fresh tears spilled out of her eyes that were now bloodshot, her bottom lip quivering uncontrollably. "Britt…"

"I'm here." Brittany whispered, cupping Santana's cheek and leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. She had no idea what was going on and it terrified her. It took a lot for Santana to break down like this so she immediately assumed the worst. She tried to keep her voice even, knowing she needed to be strong right now. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

Santana mouth began to form words but no sound came out and Brittany realized that she wasn't able to explain just yet. She nodded in understanding and caressed Santana's cheek for a moment, pressing a kiss to her lips before standing up and walking around the bed. She crawled under the covers behind Santana, spooning up behind her and wrapping her arm around her waist. Her heart was still racing and she really wished Santana would tell her what was going on but she accepted that all she could do right now was be there for her.

"Shh." She shushed the smaller woman gently when she began to cry harder, her whole body vibrating as sobs tore through her slender frame. Brittany felt tears well up in her own eyes. Seeing Santana like this, so broken, hurt more than anything and she wished she could make it better somehow. Pressing a kiss behind her ear, she spoke softly. "Just let it all out, honey. It's okay. Whatever it is we'll get through it, alright? I love you so much."

The barely visible nod she received in response was enough for her to relax slightly. Santana turned around in her arms, tucking her head under her chin as she continued to cry, breaking Brittany's heart into even smaller pieces. She tightened her arms around Santana's waist and pressed a kiss to her temple, holding her as closely as possible. She nuzzled her nose into her wife's long, dark hair, inhaling the familiar scent and letting it comfort her. She knew that there was something really, really wrong but Santana was there, alive and breathing, and that was all that mattered to her at that moment.

"Breathe, baby, breathe." She murmured when she heard Santana begin to struggle, rubbing her back as she tried to calm her down. The trembling of Santana's shoulders slowly began to lessen and Brittany let out a subtle sigh of relief. She ran her fingers through Santana's hair, kissing the top of her head. "There you go. It's okay."

Eventually, Santana stopped crying but Brittany never loosened her hold on her. She simply continued to stroke her hair, murmuring soothing words into her ear, until Santana felt calm enough to speak. Her voice sounded weak and shaky but Brittany's presence soothed her so she didn't care. "Andrea called."

Brittany hadn't been expecting that. Her hand stilled for a moment, her brow furrowing, before she pulled back slightly to meet Santana's gaze. She smiled sadly when she saw how puffy Santana's eyes were, feeling her heart break all over again. "What did she say?"

"It's my abuela." Santana mumbled, her eyes glazing over with unshed tears. Brittany nodded, silently encouraging her to keep going. Santana had only mentioned her abuela a few times before. She knew the woman had the same views on homosexuality as Santana's parents and Santana hadn't seen her in years as a result. She also knew that they were really close when Santana was younger and the woman had broken her heart the day she asked her to leave her house and never come back. She instinctively tightened her hold on the brunette as she waited for her to continue. "She… She had a heart attack. It's bad, Britt."

"Oh San." Brittany whispered, unsure of what to say. It felt like no matter what she would say, it wouldn't be enough to make Santana feel better. She knew Santana sometimes pretended to be strong when in reality she was hurting immensely inside and she was incredibly proud of her for not keeping her emotions bottled up. She let out another sigh, reaching up to tenderly caress the brunette's cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm so scared." Santana choked out, leaning into Brittany's touch. "I haven't seen her in years and I don't want to care but I do."

"That's understandable, babe." Brittany soothed her, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. She then brushed her thumb over Santana's bottom lip before placing a light kiss on the corner of her mouth. Santana shivered and Brittany smiled a bit, sliding her hand down Santana's neck and cupping her jaw, her thumb gently stroking the soft skin. "She's still your grandmother."

"She disowned me." Santana closed her eyes, allowing Brittany's touch to soothe her. Brittany noted that there was no bitterness or anger in her voice, but only defeat. It made her want to cry because Santana didn't deserve this. She wanted to protect her any kind of pain but she knew that she couldn't.

"But she used to be a huge part of your life." Brittany said, pressing her lips together in a tight line when she felt Santana's fingers curl around the material of her sweatshirt, holding onto her as if she might disappear at any moment. She struggled to keep her emotions in check but Santana needed her. "Do you want to go see her?"

Santana blinked her eyes open, revealing brown orbs that held nothing but pain and sorrow. "I doubt she wants to see me."

"You can always try." Brittany suggested in a hopeful tone.

"I don't want to try only to be rejected." Santana mumbled, burying her face against Brittany's chest again. She listened to the rhythm of the blonde's heartbeat for a while, slipping her hand underneath her sweatshirt to run her fingers across her back, finding comfort in the skin-on-skin contact. "She made it pretty clear that she hates me."

"You might regret it if you don't." Brittany said. She didn't want to push Santana but she wanted to make sure that she carefully considered all her options. "But you don't have to decide right now."

"I do though." Santana replied, her voice cracking. "She's _dying_ , Brittany."

Brittany swallowed the lump in her throat, pressing a lingering kiss to Santana's forehead. She couldn't do anything to make the situation better but she hoped these small touches would make it easier for Santana somehow. "I meant that you can think about it tonight and decide what you want to do tomorrow."

Santana nodded, feeling a lot more reassured. "Okay."

"I'm really sorry that this happened." Brittany whispered sadly, pressing a sweet kiss to Santana's lips. "And I'm also really sorry that I smell so bad."

Santana cracked a smile for what felt like the first time in hours. "It's okay. I still love you even though you kind of smell like a gym."

"That's good to know." Brittany grinned, kissing her again. Normally she would take a shower as soon as she got home from work. There were showers in the studio too but she didn't feel comfortable showering there and Mike never asked any questions. She gazed into Santana's warm, brown eyes for a moment, smiling softly. "How about we take a shower together and then I cook dinner for us?"

Santana's eyes lit up, bring her hand to her face to wipe her tears away. "That sounds nice."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Santana gently kissed her wife's cheek, feeling a lot better than before. She didn't know how Brittany did it but she somehow always managed to make everything a little better. Even just her presence itself was enough for her. She was scared and confused but knowing that Brittany would be there for her no matter what was all she needed right now.


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello :) I got a job so updates will probably slow down a bit. Thanks for reading!_

* * *

 **Chapter 4.**

"What do you think I should do?"

Brittany rested her chin on her palm, her leg bouncing up and down nervously as she watched Santana pace up and down the room. She noted how Santana's fingers were curled tightly around the phone as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded. A sad feeling squeezed her heart and she let out a trembling breath, wishing she could somehow absorb Santana's pain and bear it herself. Anything would be better than seeing the woman she loved like this.

"I'm not sure if it's a good idea, Andrea." Santana pressed her hand against her forehead, as if it would somehow get her thoughts back in order. Brittany pursed her lips, observing her silently from where she was sitting at the kitchen counter. She looked tired, and Brittany noticed the redness around her eyes. When she spoke, her voice sounded small. "I guess you're right."

Brittany wondered what Andrea was telling her. When Brittany had asked her what she wanted to do this morning, it had been clear to her that Santana really wanted to visit her grandmother but still, she needed some kind of reassurance and Brittany understood. So she sat there quietly, allowing Santana to stress, to worry, even though it pained her. She waited patiently, chewing on her bottom lip, until Santana ended the call.

"San?" She called out softly when Santana just stood there for a while, blankly staring ahead, seemingly deep in thought. She could usually read her wife like an open book and it scared her when she got like this; so closed off. Swallowing down the feeling of dread that coursed through her body, she pushed herself to her feet and carefully walked up to the brunette. "What did she say?"

Santana turned towards her, head hanging slightly in defeat. "She thinks I should try if I want to."

Brittany nodded, both in understanding and agreement. She slipped her arm around Santana's waist, pulling her closer and gently kissing her cheek. It felt useless. She felt useless. No words she offered could make this better for Santana and she hated it. The only thing she could do was hope that her small touches of comfort helped somehow.

"And what do you think?"

Santana shrugged tiredly, lifting her hand to tuck some strands of hair behind her ear, distracted. "I'm scared."

"I know, honey." Brittany murmured, squeezing her waist affectionately. She thought about how rare it was to see Santana like this, so vulnerable, and she didn't like it at all. Yet, she was happy that she was the one who got to see this side of her. She knew Santana trusted her with her heart and if there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she never, ever wanted to lose that trust. "Whatever you decide, I'll be here for you."

Santana broke a small smile and although it was barely visible and didn't quite reach her eyes, it still warmed Brittany's heart. "I know."

"You still have some time to decide." Brittany said. "Maybe you can take a shower and clear your mind a bit."

Santana looked at her intently, as if she was the most perfect thing in the world, and her cheeks turned red as she blushed shyly. "Come here." Santana mumbled, cupping Brittany's cheek in her hand and slightly pushing herself up on her toes. She gently captured Brittany's lips with her own and smiled into the kiss when Brittany hummed, wrapping her arms around her waist. She sighed contentedly, some of the tension leaving her body as she allowed herself to get lost in the blonde, her taste, her warmth. Pulling back, she gently caressed a flushed cheek. "What would I do without you?"

Brittany smirked. "I know I'm awesome."

Santana rolled her eyes and planted another firm kiss on pink lips before freeing herself from her wife's embrace. "I won't be long."

Brittany nodded, still a little dazed from the kiss. "I'll make you something to eat."

* * *

A few hours later, they walked into the hospital, their hands clasped tightly together.

After carefully thinking it through, Santana had decided that she would never forgive herself if she didn't at least try. She didn't know why she wanted to talk to her abuela again one last time so badly. The woman had hurt her, to the point where she thought her heart might never heal again. But it had all happened a long time ago and maybe, somewhere deep down, she hoped that things were different now.

She was nervous. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her palms were clammy. She could tell that Brittany knew. The blonde kept sending her these smiles that somehow made her feel better, even if it was just a little. It _were_ the little things that helped. The way Brittany stroked her thumb across her knuckles every now and then, or how she kissed her cheek to pull her back to reality whenever she got lost in her thoughts.

"I love you." She said softly, effectively breaking Santana from her stupor once more.

The brunette offered her a tender smile, trying to show her appreciation. "I love you too."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked softly, somewhat nervously, as they came to a stop at the front desk. She seemed so worried, her face scrunched up in concern, and Santana felt her stomach clench in guilt. She hated it when Brittany worried about her. It didn't feel right. Sadly, she knew what it was like to be in Brittany's position so she didn't say anything about it. She just let Brittany deal with this in her own way, just like Brittany let her be.

"I'm sure." She said, her voice coming out a lot more shaky than she wanted.

Brittany nodded, giving her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it.

Santana took a deep breath, gathering all her courage, and finally stepped forward to ask the nurse what her abuela's room number was. The woman looked annoyed, her jaw set in a tight line, and when she answered her, she sounded disinterested. Normally, Santana would've made a comment about it but today, she just didn't have the energy.

As they were standing in the elevator a few minutes later, Brittany couldn't help but voice her concerns one more time. Santana seemed calm on the outside, her face blank and her shoulders squared, but Brittany could see right through her. She knew that Santana was nervous, probably ready to bolt at any moment, and she couldn't fight the urge to reassure her again.

"Santana." She said softly to get her wife's attention. Brown eyes met hers and she smiled sadly, slightly tilting her head. "You don't have to do this."

Santana looked at her for a moment but then she nodded and looked away. "I know but I want to."

"Are you sure?"

"For the third time, yes." She snapped, her voice coming out a lot harsher than intended. Her shoulders slumped as guilt stabbed at her heart and she reluctantly lifted her head to look at Brittany. The other woman looked surprised but as soon as their eyes connected, her features smoothed into a kind expression again. Santana sighed in relief. She couldn't handle Brittany being mad at her too. She was positive she would have a meltdown. "I'm sorry."

Brittany shook her head, stepping closer to her and placing a reassuring hand on the small of her back. "Don't apologize."

"I'm just… nervous." Santana admitted quietly, tension creeping into her shoulders when the elevator came to a halt. She searched for Brittany's hand, slipping her own into it, before they stepped outside. "I have no idea how she'll react and it scares me."

Brittany's initial reaction was to tell her that everything would be okay but then she realized that she couldn't possibly know that. So, she didn't say anything at all. Instead, she tightened her hold on Santana's hand and turned her head to press a sweet kiss to her temple, silently letting her know that she was there for her. That she wouldn't go anywhere, no matter what happened.

They silently began to make their way down the long corridor. Santana kept her head down, not making eye-contact with the people in the waiting room. She didn't want to think about anything else. Her thoughts were already a jumbled mess and she didn't know how much more she could take. With every step she took, the more nervous she became and all she really wanted to do was go home and sleep for a day or two but she knew that it were just her nerves speaking.

Eventually, they reached the right room but before Santana could even begin to worry about having to go inside and face her abuela, she heard a voice that sent a shiver up and down her spine.

"What on earth are you doing here?"

Santana abruptly stopped walking. She unconsciously squeezed Brittany's hand so tightly she was certain it hurt the blonde but if it did, she didn't say anything. Her heartbeat sped up to the point of bursting out of her chest and she wished the ground would swallow her. She knew that there was a possibility of this happening but for some reason she had hoped to avoid it. Now, she felt stupid.

"How dare you show up here?"

It felt like a bucket of ice cold water was dropped on her head. She looked at Brittany and found her almost trembling with rage; her jaw clenched tightly and her blue eyes misty with an emotion that was so foreign to the normally shy blonde. Santana lightly tugged on her hand and when they made eye-contact, she subtly shook her head, silently begging her to stay calm. Brittany seemed conflicted but nodded nonetheless.

Inhaling deeply, Santana finally turned around, pulling Brittany with her. "Hello, _papi_."

She spat out the last word sarcastically and the man, who she had once, a very long time ago, looked up to, looked at her with so much anger that she couldn't do anything other than shrink into herself. His eyes darkened. "Answer the question."

Santana swallowed the lump in her throat. "I just want to know how she's doing."

"You're not welcome here." He said in a strained voice, narrowing his eyes at her. She gulped, hating herself for letting him intimidate her. She didn't want to give him that satisfaction but there was just something about his presence that was so overwhelming. His gaze flickered to Brittany and he shook his head, disgust visible in his eyes. "Of course, you brought _her_. Even at times like this, you still continue to shove your disgusting lifestyle down our throats because you're selfish, Santana, and I don't have time for your nonsense. Just leave. I can't stand the sight of you."

It felt like Santana had been punched in the chest. She didn't know why she still let his words get to her. She had heard it all by now. What upset her the most, however, was him talking about Brittany as if she wasn't even there. She glanced at her wife and was taken aback by the amount of fury she saw on her face. Squeezing her hand, she looked at her father again. "Luckily for you, I'm here for abuela and not you."

He laughed a laugh that made her shiver. "I can assure you that she doesn't want to see you either. Have you forgotten what you did to our family? You're an embarrassment."

Santana opened her mouth to speak but Brittany beat her to it. "Santana didn't _do_ anything to your family. You're the one who treats her as if she means nothing to you just because you're a homophobe who thinks the world revolves around you. She's your daughter, your own flesh and blood, but apparently that's not important to you. The only one who has something to be ashamed of here is you."

Santana's eyes widened, but pride swelled in her chest.

Her father didn't even look at Brittany. "Are you going to let her speak to me like that?"

Santana released Brittany's hand but only to wrap her arm around her waist, pulling her into her. She suddenly didn't feel scared anymore. It was as if Brittany's presence soothed her, even now with her father looking at her with nothing but anger and disgust. "Yes because she's right."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "You never fail to disappoint me."

"I'd like to go inside now." Santana said, already turning towards the room.

"I don't think so." He growled as he stepped forwards.

Brittany raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't think that's your decision."

"You listen to me good, Santana." He said in a dangerous low voice. "You can either leave now and we'll pretend that this never happened, or you can choose to ignore me but I won't hesitate to cause a scene. Alma is weak right now and she doesn't need you going in there to stress her out even more."

Brittany couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't understand how someone could treat their own daughter like this; like an outsider that didn't belong there. "Excuse me?"

"Don't, Britt." Santana tugged on her wife's sleeve, pulling her back. "It's not worth it."

"But San..."

"Let's just go." The brunette mumbled, already walking away.

Brittany blinked once, then twice. She stood there frozen for a moment, perplexed. Then anger rose within her and she looked at the tall man that was still standing there, smiling victoriously. It made her feel sick. She shot him the best glare she could muster before roughly pushing past him. "You disgust me."

"Not as much as you disgust me."

"You know what you are?" Brittany asked as she paused, not bothering to look at him. "Childish. You're a grown man yet you behave like a 12-year-old throwing a tantrum because things aren't going the way you want them to go. Grow up."

And with that, she walked away.

* * *

The drive home was silent. Brittany kept glancing at Santana but the brunette was too lost in her thoughts to even acknowledge her. She was glancing outside, her forehead resting against the cool glass of the window, and her face was scrunched up into a troubled expression. Brittany let out a sad sigh, placing her hand on her wife's thigh.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked softly, like Santana might break if she spoke too loudly.

Santana shook her head and Brittany felt her heart drop in dread and disappointment. She didn't like not knowing what was going on inside of Santana's head. But she also wanted to give her the space she needed. All these conflicting emotions made her head feel like it was about to explode. To her relief, Santana covered her hand with her own, somewhat reassuring her.

When they arrived home, Brittany watched worriedly as Santana just stood there in the middle of the room for a moment, her coat still on. She bit her lip and carefully approached the shorter woman. Placing a soothing kiss on her forehead, she slowly began to unbutton her coat before helping her out of it. She stroked the back of her hand over Santana's cheek, dipping her head in an attempt to catch her gaze. "What can I do to help, babe?"

Santana just shrugged, still wearing that blank expression on her face.

"Santana..." Brittany cooed. "Say something."

Santana's eyes flickered up to hers. "What do you want me to say?"

Brittany had expected herself to feel relieved to hear Santana's voice again but all she felt was sadness. She sighed, unsure of what to do. "I just want to help you."

"Well, you can't." The tone of her voice wasn't mean or angry, it didn't carry any type of emotion. She stepped back, turning away from Brittany. "I should've known this would happen."

Brittany's brow furrowed. "Babe..."

"I'm going to take a shower." Santana interrupted her.

"But you already took a shower this morning." Brittany tried, but Santana had already left the room.

* * *

An hour later, Brittany was sitting on the couch with a book in her lap, trying to distract herself, when she heard a crash. She had chosen to give Santana some space and Santana, in her turn, had been busying herself in the kitchen with God knows what. Brittany wished she was better at handling this but the fact was that she simply didn't know what to do. Santana was always so strong but Brittany knew that underneath her tough exterior, there was a lot of pain that she kept hidden.

Brittany hurriedly made her way into the kitchen and her eyes widened when she saw Santana crouched down on the floor with shards of glass surrounding her. "Santana, be careful."

But Santana didn't even seem to hear her. She just continued to furiously pick up the shards, her shoulders trembling. Brittany couldn't see her face because her hair was shielding it from being visible but she was pretty sure that she was crying and it absolutely broke her heart. Out of all the pain that she had endured in her life, seeing Santana cry was definitely the worst of them all.

"Santana stop." Brittany tried to get her attention again, kneeling down beside her. "You're going to hurt yourself."

"It's fine." Santana mumbled, but the words hadn't even left her mouth yet when she hissed and pulled her hand away.

"Let me see that." Brittany insisted, reaching out to take the brunette's hand in her own. To her relief, Santana didn't protest and allowed her to examine her bleeding hand. Fortunately, the cut wasn't too deep. Brittany brought Santana's hand to her lips and kissed the back of it. "Come on, babe."

She guided Santana to the sink and gently pulled her hand under the water, rinsing the cut on her palm. Santana just stood there silently, furiously wiping her tears away. Once Brittany was done, she placed a bandaid on the wound before bringing Santana's hand to her lips to gently kiss her fingers.

"Thanks." Santana mumbled.

"You're welcome." Brittany said, not quite wanting to let go of her hand just yet. She wanted to get Santana to open up again but she knew that if she pushed her too much it would do more harm than good. So, she decided to let it go for now and wait for Santana to come to her. "Do you want me to make you something to eat?"

"I'm not really hungry."

"I understand." Brittany squeezed her hand. "But how about some soup?"

"No thanks."

"Okay, do you maybe wanna take a nap? Rest a little?"

"Brittany."

"Or maybe we can…"

"Stop babying me!" Santana snapped, pulling her hand out of Brittany's grasp. Brittany's eyes widened and she flinched slightly at Santana's sudden outburst, and Santana's stomach sank heavily with guilt. Her chest seemed to squeeze in on itself. It was all too much at once. She ran her fingers through her hair, almost frantically. "Damn it."

"It's okay, San…" Brittany began to say, but Santana shook her head.

"No it's not. Everything is so fucked up."

Brittany bit her lip thoughtfully, not wanting to say the wrong things. "Santana, I don't…"

"No I'm sorry, Britt. I know you're just trying to help." Santana sighed and slumped against the counter, suddenly feeling more exhausted than ever. It felt like whenever she felt like she had control over her life, something would happen to shake up everything all over again. "I'm just so fucking angry."

"Well I can understand that." Brittany said with a huff. She herself felt a deep rage burning within her at the mere thought of Santana's father, so she couldn't even begin to imagine how Santana must be feeling.

"Who the hell does he think he is?" Santana continued. "He has this insane superiority complex just because I don't match up to his expectations, but who is he to set the rules? I'm just done with his crap. I thought I would never have to deal with it again and yet here we are."

Brittany moved closer to her, carefully studying her features. She could see the anger, but also the sadness and the defeat. "Do you regret going to the hospital?"

"I… I don't know." Santana sighed. Her body seemed to slump even more and Brittany wrapped her arm around her waist, allowing her to lean against her. "I still wish that I could talk to abuela but I'm just so tired of fighting. It's just not fair."

"I know, honey." Brittany brushed a kiss against her temple. "I'm sorry."

Santana didn't say anything. Instead, she buried her face against Brittany's shoulder and allowed the blonde to hold her for a while. There were so many thoughts swarming her mind but she couldn't quite make sense of them yet. She was angry, sad, embarrassed… She couldn't figure out which emotion she felt most strongly.

"How about I run you a bath?" Brittany's soft voice pulled her from her thoughts.

Santana pulled back to look into Brittany's eyes. "But I already took two showers."

Brittany chuckled softly. "Who cares?"

"Okay." Santana's lips quirked up into a small smile. "Will you join me?"

Brittany ran a soothing hand across Santana's back. "Anything you want."

* * *

Santana let out a content sigh as she leaned back against Brittany's chest, allowing the warm water to soothe her exhausted body. Brittany pressed a kiss to her shoulder, her hands rubbing gently over her stomach.

"Did I tell you I think you might be right about Marley and Kitty?"

Santana smiled slightly, happy with the distraction. "What made you change your mind?"

"Well I was talking with Marley the other day and I asked her if they're really just friends and she seemed so panicked." Brittany explained, tilting her head in consideration. "Maybe I was being too forward. But either way, the look on her face… I kinda recognized myself in it when I was young and questioning."

Santana hummed thoughtfully. "It might be that she's scared."

"Probably." Brittany agreed. "I told her that I'm there if she wants to talk."

"That's all you can do." Santana reassured her, placing a supportive hand on her arm.

"I guess so."

Santana closed her eyes for a moment, finding comfort in Brittany's gentle touches. The last few days had been overwhelming, to say the least, but being with Brittany always made her feel better. Her wife's presence made her feel secure and safe, and a sort of calmness took over. Yet it was hard to take her mind off everything.

"What are you thinking?" Brittany's soft broke her from her thoughts.

Santana sighed, her eyes fluttering open. "I just don't get it."

"Get what?" Brittany asked, brushing Santana's hair aside and pressing a kiss to her neck.

"How he can treat his daughter like this." Santana said, her voice sounding tired. It felt like all the anger had left her body and all there was left was exhaustion and disappointment. "It's like nothing matters to him besides the fact that I'm gay. Everything before the moment I told him is irrelevant. All our memories… It's like he stopped loving me just like that."

Brittany felt her chest tighten with sadness. She hated that someone could cause Santana so much pain. "I'm sorry, San." Her voice cracked slightly. "I really wish that things were different. I was that they could see how amazing you are, but at the same time they don't even deserve to have you in their lives after the way they've treated you."

"I know." Santana replied, shivering when Brittany lips brushed against the side of her neck before pressing against her jaw. "I just keep trying to make sense of their thinking but I guess that's hopeless and a waste of time."

"I understand though." Brittany tightened her arms around Santana's waist. She hesitated for a moment before adding, "I could never be so cruel to our kids."

She held her breath, carefully waiting for Santana's reaction.

Santana just snuggled further into her. "Me neither. I would love them unconditionally and try to protect them no matter what. I'd support them through the good and the bad."

Brittany felt her heart expand in her chest and a feeling of hope coursed through her veins. She knew that she was just being silly, that she could talk to Santana about anything, but for some reason this particular topic made her feel anxious. She was so afraid that her and Santana weren't on the same page.

"You'd be an amazing mom, San."

Santana turned her head slightly to flash her a warm smile. "So would you."

"Do you…" Brittany began but then trailed off. She didn't think that now was the right time for this. Santana already had so much on her mind and Brittany didn't want to add onto her stress. She wanted to make things easier for Santana, not give her more to think about.

"What is it?" Santana asked, staring into her eyes worriedly.

Brittany shook her head and kissed her softly on the lips. "Nevermind."

Santana looked at her for another moment but then turned her head forwards again. She sighed and sank further into the water, leaning heavily against Brittany. "I think I'm gonna go to bed so early tonight. Christ, I'm getting old."

"You're not old." Brittany laughed. "It's been a hard day."

"You can say that again."

"It's been a hard d-"

"Britt." Santana whined, rolling her eyes. "Dork."

Brittany smiled. "But you love me."

Santana couldn't help but smile too. "That I do."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

Brittany leaned back in her chair, pressing her phone tightly against her ear as she waited for Santana's response on the other end of the line. Her eyes wandered around her office, and she cringed at how messy she had let the place become. Things had just been so hectic lately. She had taken over a few more of Mike's classes so she got home later most days, which she wasn't happy about because she couldn't stop worrying about Santana with everything that was going on with her grandmother.

"San?" She called softly when Santana still hadn't said anything.

"Hm?" Santana sounded distracted. "Oh, yeah I'm fine. Don't worry."

"You sure?" Brittany asked.

She could hear the sound of Santana typing on her keyboard. "Yeah I'm just getting some work done. I have a meeting later so I don't know how late I'll be home."

Brittany glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed when she realized that she had to hang up soon. "Alright. I have a late class so I'll be late too. How about I call you when I'm done and pick up some food on my way back?"

"That sounds great, babe."

"Okay, well I have to go." Brittany replied. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Brittany ended the call and released another sigh, shifting a bit to stretch the muscles in her sore back. She really enjoyed her job at the studio and she didn't mind the extra work hours, knowing that it was only a temporary change as Mike taught some workshops elsewhere, but she really wanted to spend more time with Santana and support her as best as she could.

She left her office and started to make the necessary preparations for the next class. As she was crouched by the stereo, looking for the right song, she was surprised when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Hey Brittany."

Brittany couldn't deny the shiver that ran up her spine when she recognized Chloe's voice. She couldn't help but feel like there was something off about the girl. Forcing a smile onto her face, she pushed herself to her feet and turned around. "Hey. You're early."

"Yeah I was excited." Chloe laughed.

"Oh." Brittany replied, awkwardly scratching the back of her neck. "Well that's good."

"You're cute."

"What?" Brittany almost choked in surprise.

Chloe laughed again. "You know, kinda shy and mysterious. It's sexy."

Brittany felt her cheeks heat up at the girl's straight forward behavior. "Um, I don't think that's a very appropriate thing to say…"

"Yeah, yeah I know." Chloe made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "Who cares."

"Well I-" Brittany began, but Chloe cut her off, confidently striding towards her.

"You're wearing this again." She said thoughtfully, reaching out to play with the string of Brittany's sweater. Her eyes flickered up to Brittany's and she smiled, tilting her head. "Don't you get hot?"

The blush on Brittany's cheeks spread to her neck. "Not really."

"Well I can't lie and say I'd mind if you took it off." Chloe winked, and Brittany was honestly shocked by the girl's confidence. She didn't like it though. She had already told her that she was married but apparently that didn't matter to her much.

"Chloe, I don't think-"

"Oh lighten up." Chloe smirked and let go of the string on Brittany's sweater, her hand settling on the blonde's arm instead. "I'm just messing with you." She winked and took a step backwards, smiling bashfully. "How's the wife anyway?"

"She's fine." Brittany said simply. She didn't think it was any of Chloe's business.

"Well she's lucky."

Brittany glanced around, relieved to see some other students arriving. "I'm the lucky one."

Chloe scrunched up her nose. "That's so corny."

"I guess I'm corny then." Brittany said, getting a bit annoyed now.

Chloe shrugged. "Still cute though."

Brittany shot her a tight-lipped smile and quickly stepped past her to greet her other students, successfully marking the end of their conversation. She hoped she'd be able to avoid more unwanted interactions with Chloe because she was obviously not interested and too tired to deal with it.

* * *

On her way home, Brittany stopped to get some Chinese food and she also decided to pick up some flowers for Santana. She knew that Santana typically didn't care much for things like that, but she hoped that the small gesture could cheer her up, even if it was just a little bit.

She was tired by the time she walked into the apartment and happy that the day was over. As she kicked off her shoes and shrugged off her coat, she called out Santana's name but didn't receive a reply.

Frowning curiously, she walked further inside until she found her wife seated at the kitchen table with her laptop in front of her. She was typing rapidly on the keyboard and she didn't seem to notice Brittany's presence until Brittany was standing next to her.

Looking up, she smiled somewhat distractedly. "Hey."

"Hi babe." Brittany replied, leaning down to wrap her arms around Santana's shoulders from behind. "How was your meeting?"

"It was fine." Santana directed her attention to her laptop again. "Just emailing Quinn some things."

"You work too hard." Brittany murmured, gently brushing Santana's hair aside and pressing her lips against the tan skin of her wife's neck. She smiled in satisfaction when Santana shivered and began a slow trail of kisses to her jaw.

"Britt." Santana whispered, squirming a bit. "This is important."

Brittany grinned and slipped onto Santana's lap, effectively blocking the laptop from her wife's view. She took the brunette's face into her hands and pressed a kiss to her lips. "But I missed you."

Santana tried to glare at Brittany but found herself smiling instead. "How was your day?"

"It was fine." Brittany said, but then her smile faltered slightly when she thought of the last part of her day where Chloe had once again approached her. She wondered if she should tell Santana about her student's inappropriate behavior, but she felt like she could handle it and maybe she was just overreacting and the girl just had a playful personality.

"What's wrong?" Santana frowned, noticing the troubled look on Brittany's face.

"Nothing." Brittany sighed and then shook her head dismissively. "One of my student is just being a bit difficult."

Santana's eyes narrowed worriedly and she draped her arms around Brittany's waist. "In what way? Do you need me to come and kick their ass?"

Brittany chuckled and leaned in to give Santana another kiss. "That won't be necessary but thank you."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure." Brittany shot her a warm smile. "Oh I got you flowers. I left them in the kitchen."

Santana groaned. "You're too sweet."

Brittany stroked her thumbs over Santana's cheeks lovingly before slipping off her lap. She stretched out her arms above her head and couldn't stop a yawn from escaping her lips. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

"You tired?" Santana asked.

"Kind of." Brittany admitted. "Things have been a bit hectic with Mike being away so much."

Santana pouted in sympathy. "We should do something fun soon."

"I'd like that." Brittany replied. She was happy to see that Santana appeared to be in a better mood. Although she knew that it was killing her inside, not knowing how her grandmother was doing. "Maybe we can go to the movies soon or something."

"Yeah, that would be nice." Santana smiled at her. "I made lasagna by the way. It's almost done so don't shower too long."

"Yes ma'am."

Santana rolled her eyes playfully and waited until Brittany had left the room before she turned back to her laptop and closed it. She had decided that she had done enough work for the day.

* * *

After dinner, Santana took a shower too, and when she walked back into the living room, she found Brittany sprawled out on the couch with a book in her hands. She nudged the blonde's legs aside and sat down before placing them on her lap.

"What are you reading?"

"Hm?" Brittany hummed, not looking up.

Santana smiled in amusement and squeezed her wife's socked feet. "Which author stole my wife away from me this time?"

Brittany finally glanced at her. "Are you jealous of my book, San?"

"Nah, I know I'll always be your number one."

Brittany pursed her lips thoughtfully, burying her nose in her book again. "Well, don't get too comfortable because this book is really good and I might have to write some fanmail later."

Santana fake gasped. "Are you looking to replace me, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce?"

"Maybe." Brittany said as she closed the novel and put it aside. She grinned when she saw the pout on Santana's face. "Aw just kidding, babe, you know you'll always be my favorite writer."

Santana grinned too and nudged Brittany's legs apart, climbing to hover over her. "I better."

Brittany reached up and placed her hand on Santana's cheeks, guiding her down until their lips met in a gentle kiss. She sighed in contentment and pulled back to gaze into Santana's eyes for a moment, finding comfort in the familiar shades of brown. "I love you."

"I love you too." Santana said, leaning into Brittany's touch as the blonde stroked her cheek.

"Have you heard anything?"

Santana sighed, immediately knowing what Brittany was referring to. Andrea had promised to keep her updated on any changes with her grandmother because even though her father had forbidden her to see the woman, she still cared and wanted to know how she was doing.

"No." She replied softly, hating the concerned look on Brittany's face. She loved that her wife cared so much, but she hated worrying her. She just wanted the peace and quiet from before to return. "I guess no news is good news, right?"

Brittany's brow furrowed slightly. "I guess so. But San-"

"Britt." Santana interrupted her, her tone tired. "I don't really wanna think about this right now."

Brittany looked conflicted but then nodded. "Okay, I understand."

Santana rested her head on Brittany's chest, intertwining their legs. "I'm so sleepy." She said, listening to the steady rhythm of Brittany's heart for a moment. "Do you have to work late again tomorrow?"

Brittany ran her fingers through Santana's hair, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "No, I think I'll be home earlier than today. And Mike is coming back after the weekend so things should return to normal then."

"Good." Santana murmured, hitching up Brittany's shirt to run her fingers over the textured skin soothingly. She slowly traced the scars like a map, knowing them by heart by now, making Brittany shiver. "Tina must be happy."

Brittany chuckled. "I'm glad I won't have to listen to her whining about how much she misses him anymore."

"Britt." Santana scolded her playfully, smiling. "As if we're any different."

"Guilty." Brittany admitted.

Santana leaned up to capture Brittany's lips in a sweet kiss, and Brittany wrapped her arms around the brunette's shoulders, pulling her closer. She moaned as Santana's lips danced along her jawline and down to her neck, leaving open mouthed kisses on the sensitive skin. She wrapped her legs around Santana's waist and her hands had just found the hem of her wife's shirt when they were interrupted by the sound of Santana's phone ringing.

"Ugh why." Santana complained, pulling back with an annoyed expression.

Brittany couldn't help but laugh a bit at Santana's disheveled appearance. She smoothed down the shorter woman's hair before cupping her cheek. "Just ignore it."

Santana smirked in agreement before leaning down to attach their lips in another heated kiss. They were quickly losing their breath, and Brittany was just reaching for the hem of Santana's shirt again when Santana's phone rang for the second time.

"Damn it." Santana sighed and climbed off the couch to find her phone.

Brittany watched silently and concern squeezed her heart when a frown formed on Santana's face as she stared down at the screen of her phone with a slightly stunned expression. "What's wrong, babe?"

"It's…" Santana began, then swallowed the lump in her throat. "It's Andrea."

Brittany quickly sat upright, her heart pounding in her chest. "Aren't you going to answer it?"

"Y-Yeah." Santana stammered before accepting the call and pressing the phone to her ear shakily. "Hello?"

Brittany wrapped her arms around her knees, her eyes following Santana as she paced around the room, a familiar nervous habit. Santana only replied with short answers so Brittany couldn't really make sense of the conversation, but she was prepared for anything, and whatever it was, she would support Santana through it.

Finally, Santana ended the call and slowly lowered herself onto the couch again. Brittany moved to sit next to her, placing a comforting hand on her knee. She didn't say anything, just waited for Santana to start talking.

"So, it was about my abuela." Santana said, pausing to clear her throat again. Her hands were still trembling slightly and Brittany reached out to take one in her own, squeezing gently. Santana let out a deep breath, relieved to have Brittany by her side. "She wants to see me."

Brittany was silent for a long time. She hadn't been expecting that and she wasn't quite sure of how to react. Part of her was happy because maybe it meant that Santana's grandmother had come to her senses, and part of her was terrified because she didn't want Santana to get hurt even more.

"When?" She finally asked.

"As soon as possible." Santana replied, still in shock. Brittany wrapped her arm around Santana's waist, and Santana leaned into her, absorbing her warmth. She suddenly felt so, so cold. "She's not doing well."

"I'm sorry." Brittany breathed out, pressing a kiss to her wife's temple. She had never been very close with her grandparents since they still lived in the Netherlands, so she couldn't even begin to imagine how Santana was feeling. From what she had understood, Santana used to go over to her grandmother's house almost every day after school.

Santana rested her head on Brittany's shoulder. "Will you come with me?"

"Of course." Brittany said, squeezing Santana's waist affectionately. She suddenly felt like crying, but she couldn't quite pinpoint why. Maybe it was because she was scared, or it was because she knew Santana so well and Santana's hurt had become her hurt, too. "We can go tomorrow night, after work."

"Yeah." Santana mumbled, her body feeling sluggish and tired.

"Did Andrea tell you anything more?" Brittany asked curiously.

Santana shook her head. "Just that abuela requested to see me."

"And your father…"

"He's not happy with it but it's abuela's wish so he won't be in the way."

"That's good." Brittany sighed in relief. She didn't think she could handle another confrontation with the man. Just the thought of him made her blood boil, let alone the sight of him. She was silent for another long moment, just holding Santana, trying to think of the right things to say. "Maybe she changed her mind about you."

Santana tensed slightly. "I don't want to get my hopes up."

Brittany cringed internally. That obviously hadn't been the right thing to say. She hated feeling so useless. Santana was always so good at comforting her, and now that the roles were reversed, she just felt helpless and foolish. Her face scrunched up in frustration. "San…"

As if sensing her thoughts, Santana looked at her, flashing her a small smile. "I know, babe. It's okay."

Brittany's face relaxed a bit as relief coursed through her veins. Gazing into Santana's eyes, she realized that her wife had actually felt like this many times before, too. Sometimes words simply weren't enough.

"You should get some rest." She said, noticing the exhaustion on Santana's face.

"I don't know if I can sleep." Santana looked down at her lap, feeling a bit embarrassed.

Brittany rubbed her back soothingly. "I understand, honey. But you should try anyway."

Santana's lips quivered. She didn't know if she could handle it, being alone with her own thoughts. It was like every bad memory she had fought so hard to suppress came back to her whenever she closed her eyes. But at the same time she felt like she was being dramatic, that she just had to suck it up.

She pressed her hand against her face, upset with herself. "I'm sorry."

Brittany blinked back her tears and gently brushed Santana's hair away from her face, leaning in to press a lingering kiss to her cheek. "Hey, there's nothing to be sorry for." She dipped her head down to catch Santana's gaze. Her heart broke at the amount of anxiety she saw in Santana's eyes. "What are you thinking, babe? Talk to me."

"It's just… I had put this all behind me, you know?" Santana looked at her, silently pleading her to understand. Brittany just nodded. "I had accepted that she would never love me. Just because I'm gay. I'm gay and to her that's wrong so that was that." She shook her head and chuckled sarcastically. "It was actually quite simple. One plus one is two, right?"

Brittany just listened to Santana's rambling silently. At least she was talking.

"I know it sounds stupid. I don't even know what I'm saying." Santana sighed, closing her eyes as she slumped further against Brittany. "I guess I'm just done with this mess. It's too complicated and I just want to get it over with."

"It's not stupid at all." Brittany said, gently rubbing her back. She bit her lip as Santana's shoulders drooped, realizing how tired her wife truly was. "Come on, honey. You're exhausted. Let's go to bed and if you can't sleep, we can just talk, okay?"

"Okay. I'd be so lost without you." Santana said, and Brittany smiled.

"Good thing you're stuck with me then."

She guided Santana into the bedroom, and to her relief, Santana seemed to fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She smiled to herself and cuddled up against the brunette, holding her tightly. She hoped that tomorrow would bring something good for once.

* * *

It was a long day at work. The minutes seem to drag by, and Brittany found herself almost staring at the clock in her office. She didn't know if she wanted time to go faster or even slower. She didn't know what the visit to Santana's grandmother would bring, or unleash, even, and the truth was that she was worried. To her, it was unfair of Santana's family to put her through this. Whenever Santana had accepted things, made her peace with them, they would somehow manage to stir everything up again.

She was relieved when her next class started, happy with the distraction, but her relief changed into annoyance when Chloe once again arrived early and came up to her. Why did she have to take a class that was almost daily? Brittany didn't feel like seeing her.

"Hey Britt."

Brittany cringed at the shortening of her name. It didn't sound right coming out of Chloe's mouth. With a sigh, she turned to face her student. "Hey. What's up?"

"You're looking tired." Chloe said, her eyes studying Brittany's face intensely. "Long night?"

"Something like that." Brittany mumbled, playing with the bottle of water in her hands.

Chloe's lips quirked up into a smirk. "Your wife kept you up?"

Brittany felt her cheeks heat up. But it wasn't because she felt uncomfortable, it was because she felt angry. Chloe's presence did that to her for some reason. "I really don't think that's any of your business."

"She's got you on a tight leash, huh?" Chloe chuckled and moved closer to her. "Can't blame her."

Brittany took a step backwards but didn't say anything. Her mind was racing but she couldn't manage to find the right words. _Stupid brain_ , she thought angrily.

Chloe moved closer to her again until she was almost pressed up against the mirrored wall. The brunette was just as tall as Brittany but somehow she made Brittany feel small, and she gulped nervously.

"What are you doing after class?"

"Going home to Santana." Brittany replied, her voice coming out weaker than she wanted. _Damn it_.

Chloe smirked again. "How about we go out for some drinks? I'm sure she'll be okay for a couple of hours without you."

Something snapped inside of Brittany. Maybe it was that damn smirk, or maybe it was all the stress that had build up inside of her, but she suddenly felt beyond furious. She squared her shoulders and looked Chloe in the eyes. "Look, I already told you that I think this isn't appropriate. You're my student. I'm married. Please respect that. I don't want to take drastic measures and ask Mike to place you in a different group, but I will if I have to."

Chloe blinked a few times, seemingly surprised. But then the smirk returned. "Damn, the leash is tighter than I thought."

Before Brittany had the chance to reply, Chloe had turned around and walked away. By the time Brittany had regained her senses, other students had filled the room. She took a deep breath and tried her hardest to regain her composure.

* * *

When Brittany got home that night, she found Santana in the kitchen, cooking up some dish almost frantically. Brittany decided to just let her be. She knew that she was nervous and she couldn't blame her. All she could do was be there for her and be patient with her.

Santana was quiet in the car and Brittany once again let her be. She knew that this night would be hard for her and she wished that she could make it easier somehow. She reached out and gently placed her hand on the brunette's knee, in an attempt to offer her some comfort.

It was barely a ten minute drive to the hospital and they arrived there faster than Santana would've hoped. She didn't feel ready at all.

Brittany shut off the engine and turned around in her seat to look at Santana. Her face was pale, her forehead resting against the car window, and she seemed lost in thought. Brittany gently squeezed her knee to get her attention and didn't say anything until their eyes finally connected. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I have to." Santana said.

"You don't have to do anything." Brittany replied. "It's totally okay if you changed your mind."

Santana thought it over for a moment but then slowly shook her head. "I want to do this."

Brittany gave her a soft smile and took her hand to press a kiss to it.

It was a chilly night and Santana was shivering as they walked up to the hospital. Though Brittany wasn't entirely sure if it was from the cold. She tightened her grip on her wife's hand guided her through the doors.

This time they didn't have to stop by the front desk to ask for abuela's room number because they already knew. Santana felt her stomach churn when she thought of their encounter with her father. She hoped that he wouldn't be there this time.

"I hate the smell of hospitals." Brittany commented with a shudder.

Santana glanced at her, guilt rippling through her body. With everything that was going on, she hadn't even considered Brittany's intense hatred for hospitals resulting from her accident. She suddenly felt like a horrible wife. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, San." Brittany squeezed her hand. "This isn't about me."

Santana took a deep breath as they stepped into the elevator. Her heart was racing by the time they reached the right floor, but fortunately, her father was nowhere in sight. "I guess her guard dog decided to take a break."

"Good because I was close to punching him last time."

Santana cracked a small smile at that. "What happened to my cute, shy wife?"

"Somebody decided to hurt the love of her life."

Santana felt her heart melt at Brittany's words and suddenly the world seemed a little brighter. She tightened her grip on the blonde's hand even more as they slowly walked up to abuela's door.

"Do I knock?" She whispered, doubting every action.

Brittany shrugged. "I guess so."

Santana inhaled deeply and raised her hand, knocking twice.

"Come in."

Santana's heartbeat skyrocketed at the sound of her grandmother's voice. It was weak, but familiar. She swallowed thickly and slowly cracked the door open.

"Hello abuela."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6.**

Santana once again swallowed the lump in her throat as she slowly shuffled further into her grandmother's room, her hand still clutching Brittany's tightly. The older woman was hooked up to several machines, looking pale and frail, and Santana barely recognized her.

As a kid, Santana had always looked up to her grandmother because of how strong she was. Now she so seemed weak and the contrast was almost too much for Santana to take in. When their eyes met, she had to fight the urge to run away.

"Hello Santana."

Santana felt a shiver run up and down her spine at the fragile voice.

"How are you?"

"Dying." Abuela replied simply, and Santana felt stupid for asking.

"Right." She said slowly, her gaze dropping to her feet. An awkward silence followed and the beeping of the machines did nothing to alleviate the tension in the air. Finally, after what felt like hours, Santana's grandmother spoke again.

"Aren't you going to introduce us?"

Santana looked up to find her grandmother staring at Brittany. "Uh, yeah," She stammered, squeezing Brittany's hand, more for her own comfort than anything else, and slightly pulling the blonde forwards. "This is Brittany. My wife."

"Hi." Brittany mumbled, unsure of what to think or do. She couldn't quite get a read on the older woman and that concerned her.

Abuela eyed Brittany for a moment before she looked at Santana again. Santana cringed automatically, dreading her response, but to her surprise, she smiled slightly. "I'm happy for you, Santana."

"What?" Santana blurted out. Out of all things, she hadn't been expecting that.

"I think it's time we put our differences aside." Abuela replied with a sigh, and Santana's first reaction was to scoff sarcastically.

"Now you think it's time? Great."

Abuela sighed again, as if she had been expecting this reaction. "Look, I'm not going to lie. I still don't agree with your lifestyle. But you have to know that everything I've ever said to you came from a place of love."

Santana looked down at her feet again, her cheeks burning with mixed emotion. "If you really loved me then how could you just abandon me like that? I was a teenager and all alone."

"And I regret that deeply, Santana." Her grandmother said, and the tone of her voice told her that she meant it. "I made a lot of mistakes. I let my pride stand in the way. I cared too much about the judgment of others. And for that I apologize."

"I don't know if I accept your apology."

"I understand." The older woman replied, and when Santana looked up she found her smiling softly, almost defeatedly. "You know, being in this hospital gave me a lot of time to think about things. The truth is that the moment I sent you out of my house, I regretted it immediately. You were just a kid and even though I could never accept your way of living, you are still my granddaughter and you deserved better."

"Damn right she did." Brittany mumbled.

Santana squeezed her wife's hand again. She could almost feel the anger radiating off the blonde's body. Surprisingly, she didn't feel angry herself. She was just stuck with a lot of questions. "Why didn't you just call me? Why didn't you just talk to me? Why does it take being in the hospital for this family to solve anything?"

Abuela seemed ashamed of herself. "Pride is a powerful thing, Santana. It took me a lifetime to figure out how much it truly ruins. I've always just wanted what was best for you. But now I know that that's just what _I_ thought what was best. You're the only one who really knows."

Santana pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Mom and dad aren't happy about me being here. Dad especially."

"I know." Abuela said sadly, suddenly looking more exhausted than ever. "This family has a lot of problems but I'm afraid it's too late to fix them all. I don't have much time left, Santana."

"If you want me to forgive you out of pity it's not going to happen." Santana crossed her arms over her chest.

Abuela smiled slightly. "I don't expect that at all."

Santana frowned, her demeanour softening slightly. "Then what do you want?"

"I just want to spend some time with you. I just want to forget about the past for a moment and learn about your life." Abuela admitted, her voice thickening with emotion. "I can see that you've grown into a beautiful woman. Tell me about yourself, Santana. Are you happy?"

"I am." Santana said earnestly, feeling tears forming at the back of her throat. "I have a job I love writing for Schuester's magazine and I have an amazing wife who I love more every day. Honestly, I can't complain."

"I'm glad." Abuela replied with a smile. "I really am."

Santana looked at her for a moment and then nodded. "I believe you."

Brittany cleared her throat, feeling like she was intruding on a very special, private moment. "Do you want me to give you some time alone? I can go get some food or something."

Surprisingly, Abuela was the one to reply. "I'd like it if you stayed, Brittany. I'd like to get to know this amazing woman Santana loves so dearly."

Brittany blushed slightly and nodded. "Okay."

Santana pulled her wife closer to her grandmother's bed, guiding her towards the chairs. "I'm surprised you've lasted this long with how crappy the food is in here."

Abuela laughed and the sound warmed Santana's heart. "Believe me, it almost makes me wish I was dead already."

* * *

Brittany yawned as she parked in front of the studio. It was way too early for her liking after what had been quite a rough night. Santana and her had stayed with abuela until visiting hours were over, talking about life, avoiding serious topics from the past. It had almost felt normal.

Santana hadn't talked much when they got home, and Brittany didn't push her to talk. She knew that the whole situation was hard on her wife and she probably needed some time to process everything. Still, she couldn't help but worry. Santana had always been a great listener, but talking still wasn't her strong suit.

She got out of her car and locked it behind her, too lost in thought to notice much around her.

"Morning Britt." A voice pulled her from her back to reality, and she looked up in confusion.

"Oh hey Mike. You're back early."

"Surprise." Mike said with a grin that faltered slightly when he saw the look on Brittany's face. "You don't seem very happy to see me."

Brittany cracked a small smile, tiredly rubbing her eyes. "Sorry. It's not you."

"Is everything okay?" Mike asked as he moved past her to unlock the door.

Brittany sighed and followed him inside. "There's just a lot going on right now. Stuff with Santana's family."

"She's not very close to them, is she?" Mike asked, not very familiar with the story. He just knew some bits from what Tina had told him.

"That's an understatement." Brittany replied with a sarcastic chuckle. "I just worry about her, you know? I mean, maybe I worry too much but I can't help it. It's hard seeing her upset about something I can't change."

Mike gave her a warm, sympathetic smile. "I think it's pretty normal that you worry. You love her a lot."

"True." Brittany said with a slight blush. She was silent for a moment, wondering if now was the right time to bring up what had been on her mind for weeks. She didn't want to cause any unnecessary trouble and she still wasn't sure if she was just being too uptight. Still, she knew Mike would understand. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course."

"Um, well, there's this girl in one of my groups." Brittany started, fiddling with her hands. "Her name is Chloe. I don't know if I'm just being stupid but she keeps flirting with me and makes pretty inappropriate comments."

Mike frowned, seemingly concerned. "I'm sorry about that, Britt. Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because… Well, I don't want to cause issues." Brittany sighed as she rubbed her arm nervously. She suddenly felt very uncomfortable. "I don't even know if she's for real or not. I mean sometimes she seems serious and other times it's like she's just trying to be funny. So maybe I'm just being paranoid."

"Well, it doesn't matter if she's serious or not if it's upsetting you." Mike replied, rubbing his chin in thought. "Do you want me to place her in a different group?"

Brittany bit her lip. Chloe being in a different group would be a great relief, but she still felt like she was overreacting. Plus, last time she had seen the girl she had warned her and nothing had happened since. "I don't think that's necessary for now but yeah, if it continues then I think it would be best."

"Okay, just let me know." Mike told her. "Don't feel obligated to keep her in your group."

Brittany nodded, feeling better already. "Thanks Mike."

"Anytime."

The next few hours went by fast. Brittany had a few morning classes to teach and by the time she sat down in her office, it was already 1 PM. She leaned back in her chair and let out a deep breath, taking a moment to relax. She was just about to open her laptop when her phone rang.

She smiled slightly to herself when she saw Santana's name flashing across the screen.

"Hey babe." She answered the call sweetly. "What's up?"

"Britt..." Santana replied and the tone of her voice made Brittany frown. It sounded empty and just… off. "Are you in your office?"

"Yeah." Brittany's frown deepened. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just wanted to let you know that Andrea just called and well," There was a slight pause and Brittany felt her heartbeat speed up. "My abuela passed away this morning."

"Oh San…" Brittany felt her stomach drop. "I'm so sorry, honey."

"Yeah…" Santana still sounded a bit distant and a short silence followed. Brittany bit her lip anxiously, unsure of whether or not she should say something. Instead, she waited for her wife to speak again. "At least she's not in pain anymore so… yeah."

"I don't know what to say." Brittany admitted. "Are you at home?"

"Yeah I was just doing some writing." Santana said and then sighed. "I feel weird."

"Weird how?" Brittany asked softly.

"I don't know."

Brittany glanced at the clock. "I'm gonna tell Mike that I'm gonna go home early."

"You don't have to do that."

"It's not a problem, San. I only have one more class left today anyway so I'm sure it will be okay." Brittany said as she began to gather her things. "So I'll see you in a little while, okay? I love you."

"Okay. I love you too."

After informing Mike about what had happened, Brittany rushed home. Santana had sounded so strange on the phone, not a hint of emotion in her voice, and Brittany wasn't sure of what to think. All she knew was that she had to be there for her wife.

When she walked into the apartment, she found the brunette sitting by the table with her laptop in front of her, staring at the screen with a look of concentration on her face. Brittany's eyebrows pinched together as she dropped her bag on the floor before slowly approaching the other woman.

"You're still working?" She asked.

Santana nodded without looking up. "Just finishing up."

"But Santana…" Brittany trailed off. Why wasn't Santana sad? She had expected her to at least have some type of reaction but instead it seemed like she was barely affected by the news.

"What?"

Brittany hesitated for a moment and then placed her hand on her wife's shoulder. "I'm really sorry about your grandmother."

"Thanks." Santana mumbled, and Brittany's frown returned in full force.

"Shouldn't you take a break from work? It's pretty devastating news so I'm sure it can wait for a while. Do you want me to get you anything? Did you eat yet?"

Santana finally glanced up. "Britt, I appreciate you being here but honestly I'm fine."

"Okay." Brittany sighed as she sat down on the edge of the table, watching Santana type for a while. She rubbed her hands together, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to think of the right things to say. "I'm glad you at least got to talk to her one last time last night. I mean, it was a good thing, wasn't it?"

"Yeah." Santana said as she hit a few keys on the keyboard especially hard. "Damn it."

"What's wrong?"

Santana ground her teeth together, suddenly looking extremely pissed off. "This stupid thing isn't working. The format looks like shit."

"Have you tried turning it off and on…"

"For fuck's sake, Brittany." Santana snapped. "That's just stupid."

Brittany sucked in a sharp breath as her stomach twisted together. Her eyes dropped to her hands as her face turned bright red. "Sorry."

"I…" Santana stammered, and when Brittany slowly looked up she could see the guilt in her brown eyes. A painful silence followed before Santana focused on her laptop again, looking almost stoic. "I just need to finish this article."

"Okay." Brittany whispered. She felt like crying. Not only because Santana's words had hurt, but also because she didn't know how to help Santana and that scared her. "You said you felt weird on the phone. Is it because-"

"Brittany." Santana said in such a way that Brittany shut up instantly. "Just leave me alone for a while, okay?"

Brittany sucked her quivering lips into her mouth and got up, trying to hide how much it hurt to be pushed away. Maybe Santana just needed some space and that was why she was being like this. Maybe she would come to her later. "Okay I'll just go… do something."

Santana didn't reply.

For the rest of the day, Brittany waited for Santana to talk to her or at least show some sort of reaction but that didn't happen. Instead, she was quiet and ignored Brittany for the most part. Brittany felt frustrated because she didn't know what to do. She didn't know if it was better to just let Santana be or to push her to open up. Everything she said felt wrong.

When they crawled into bed that night, Santana stayed on her own side. Brittany stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, now convinced that she was doing everything wrong, but somehow drifted off to sleep. When she woke up, it was still dark and the alarm clock read 2 AM but Santana was nowhere to be found. She wasn't in the bathroom so Brittany decided to check the living room, concern taking hold of her.

She wasn't surprised to find Santana sitting on the window ledge, taking a long drag off her cigarette.

"You're smoking."

Santana startled slightly but didn't look up. "I don't need a lecture."

"You only smoke when you're upset." Brittany said as she walked over to the window and sat down next to the brunette. "So you're upset."

Santana rolled her eyes. "Maybe I just wanted a cigarette."

"Maybe." Brittany hummed as she took in the view for a moment, capturing the beauty of the city at night. "Couldn't sleep huh?"

Santana shrugged. "Guess not."

Brittany looked at the side of Santana's face, studying her features. She looked tired, but not in a physical way. "San… you know I'm just trying to help, right? I'm not the enemy here. I'm your wife. You can talk to me."

Santana took another drag off her cigarette and when she looked at Brittany, her eyes had softened a bit. "I know but I don't know what you want me to say."

"Your grandmother just died." Brittany stated, and she didn't miss the way Santana flinched. Sighing sadly, she scooted closer to the shorter woman and placed her hand on her thigh. "I know the situation was complicated but it's okay to be sad. I don't get why you're fighting it so hard. You didn't have trouble talking to me before."

"What do you want from me, Britt?" Santana seemed defensive again. "Do you want me to cry?"

"If it helps."

Santana scoffed. "It won't. I'm angry as hell."

Brittany rubbed her thigh soothingly, trying to calm her. "Why?"

"What do you think?" Santana snapped, and Brittany noticed that her whole body seemed to be trembling with fury. "First I got dragged back into this mess and I spent time with her as if nothing ever happened. And now…"

"Now what?" Brittany asked gently.

Santana clenched her jaw and tossed her cigarette outside. "Now I'm not even invited to the funeral."

Brittany felt her heart tighten. She wished she could protect Santana from all this pain somehow. "Andrea told you that?"

"My parents don't want me there." Santana replied, her voice dripping with anger and bitterness. At least it wasn't empty anymore but Brittany couldn't decide which was worse. "I can't say I'm surprised but it still makes me mad. I'm so fucking pathetic."

"No you're not." Brittany frowned. "Don't say that, babe."

Santana swung her legs back inside. "I'm going back to bed."

"Do you want me to take tomorrow off?" Brittany asked.

"You don't have to do that." Santana replied. "Shit happens and life goes on. We don't have to turn this into a big deal."

Brittany followed her with her eyes as she made her way back towards the bedroom, her shoulders dropping dejectedly. She felt so helpless and clueless.

* * *

"What's up, Britt?"

Brittany looked up from where she had been distractedly stirring her coffee to find Tina staring at her in concern.

"Nothing." She mumbled, propping her elbow on the counter and resting her chin in her hand.

"You look exhausted." Tina noted. "And I know you don't spend your lunch breaks moping in Joey's unless something's up so spill."

Brittany blinked slowly. "Am I not allowed to visit my friend?"

"I'm flattered but I know you."

"So annoying." Brittany groaned, making Tina laugh. "I'm just worried about Santana. I told you about the situation with her grandmother, right?" She waited for Tina to nod before sighing sadly. "Well, she passed away yesterday."

"That's awful." Tina looked sympathetic. "How is Santana taking it?"

"Well that's the thing… She's not really reacting. She just told me that she's angry."

"Angry about what?"

Brittany sighed for what felt like the millionth time. "She's not invited to the funeral so there's that."

"Her family are such assholes." Tina said angrily and then paused, looking sheepish. "Shit I'm sorry."

Brittany chuckled. "Believe me, I agree."

Tina smiled softly. "Maybe she just needs some time to cope with everything. It's a lot to take in. She didn't see them for years and then this all happened so suddenly. I'm sure it brought back a lot of memories."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Brittany took a sip of her coffee in thought. "It just sucks seeing her like this. It feels like I'm doing everything wrong."

"I understand." Tina replied. "Just be patient with her. Everybody grieves differently."

"True." Brittany nodded in agreement. "So enough about me. What's up with you? You must be happy that Mike is back early."

"So happy." Tina said with a smile as she rinsed out some glasses. "He didn't even tell me he was coming home. He just showed up without telling me to surprise me. That jerk."

Brittany laughed. "I guess he was trying to be romantic."

"Probably." Tina replied with a playful roll of her eyes. "I guess it's a thing now. He said he wants to take me somewhere nice this weekend but he won't tell me where."

Brittany raised her eyebrows. "Maybe he's finally gonna pop the question."

"God, I hope so. We've been dating for so long it's about time he put a ring on it."

"It is." Brittany grinned. "You better call me right away."

"Duh."

* * *

Brittany got home pretty early that evening, and when she walked into the apartment she was surprised by how messy it was. Santana was usually the clean one between the two of them and it wasn't like her to leave her things lying around.

"San?" She called out but received no reply.

She dropped her stuff on the table before walking into the living room. A small smile spread across her features when she saw that Santana was fast asleep on the couch. Despite the slight frown on the brunette's face, she still looked cute.

Brittany quietly knelt down beside her wife and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to her cheek. To her dismay, Santana stirred and slowly cracked her eyes open.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay." Santana rubbed her eyes. "I wasn't planning on falling asleep."

"Well you didn't get much sleep last night so you must've been tired." Brittany said as she brushed some hair out of Santana's face. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Santana said as she pulled herself upright.

"Okay." Brittany stood up straight, deciding not to question her. "I'll just go fix us something to eat. You want anything in particular?"

"I'm not really hungry." Santana ran her fingers through her messy hair and stared into space for a while.

Brittany's brow furrowed. "You have to eat something though."

"Maybe something light?"

"I'll check if we have some soup." Brittany agreed softly as she studied Santana's features carefully. She couldn't help but feel awkward in her own home. She knew Santana so well, yet she couldn't get a read on her right now and that worried her. At the same time she felt so angry with Santana's family for putting her wife through all of this all over again.

"Stop staring at me." Santana mumbled, and Brittany blinked back at her. "You don't have to be so worried, you know? Yeah my grandmother died and it sucks but there are worse things in the world. She was old and sick."

"Yeah but you hadn't seen her in years and then-"

"I know." Santana interrupted her harshly, making her flinch slightly. "But just stop _hovering_ , okay? I don't need a babysitter. I'm fine. I'm just pissed off right now but it'll pass."

"Well, sorry for caring." Brittany said, getting a little annoyed now too. "Remember when we first started dating and you would never open up to me about your parents? And then you finally did and promised me that you would never shut me out again?"

"Of course I remember." Santana rolled her eyes. "I'm not perfect. Surprise. It's not as if you you were always so great at sharing your feelings."

Brittany crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "That's unfair."

"Why?" Santana huffed. "Before you got therapy you would push me away all the time. Do you think that was easy for me? Of course not. But I was always patient with you and never bugged you like this."

"You think… you think I'm bugging you?" Brittany sounded upset now, and she also seemed embarrassed, her cheeks colored red. It was then that Santana realized that she had gone too far. "I'm just trying to be a good wife and I thought I _was_ being patient. But you're so angry and apparently at me too… I don't know what I did wrong but okay. I'll just leave you alone then."

"Britt…" Santana tried, already regretting everything she had just said. Brittany just shook her head and started to walk away. "Where are you going?"

"To get some air." Brittany replied, and her voice sounded so defeated that Santana wanted to die.

She listened as the front door opened and closed before groaning and collapsing back on the couch. "Fuck me."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7.**

Santana turned onto her side and buried herself further into the sheets when she heard the front door open and close. It had been a few hours since Brittany had stormed out and after waiting up for a while, Santana had finally given up and gone to bed. Of course she hadn't been able to sleep, though, not knowing where Brittany was, mad at her, not answering her calls.

She held her breath as she listened to Brittany moving around the apartment. Guilt twisted her stomach for the millionth time. She knew she shouldn't have treated Brittany the way she had, yet she couldn't bring herself to get up and apologize. Her mind was a mess. She couldn't shake off this numb, empty feeling that clouded her thoughts like a dense fog. Strangely, the feeling was combined with an intense anger that she hadn't felt in years, and she didn't know how to deal with it. She feared that she would explode and the truth was that she didn't want Brittany to see her like that.

Her body stiffened when she heard Brittany walk into the bedroom. She expected her wife to yell at her as deserved, but instead she got changed before quietly slipping into bed next to her.

Santana slowly released the breath she was holding as her heartbeat steadied. She lay there for a while, listening to the sound of Brittany's soft breathing, before she decided that she couldn't possibly sleep like this. Rolling onto her other side, she stared at Brittany's back.

"Where did you go?"

Brittany didn't move as she replied. "Out."

"Out where?"

"Do you care?"

Santana sighed. It was pretty obvious that Brittany was still upset with her. "Yes or I wouldn't ask."

"Well, it's pretty hard to tell these days." Brittany said, her voice sounding stoic.

"Britt…" Santana began but trailed off. She wanted so badly to reach out to the blonde, wrap her arms around her, absorb her warmth, but something inside of her was stopping her. This little, angry voice kept holding her back.

"I was at Noah's." Brittany finally said.

Santana rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "Okay."

"Are you…" Brittany began to ask something but then stopped. "Nevermind."

Santana frowned in her direction, wishing she would turn around so that she could see her face. "No, what is it?"

"I said nevermind." Brittany told her sort of harshly, seeming to shift away even further from her. "I wouldn't want to bug you or anything."

Santana knew she deserved it but frustration bubbled up inside of her anyway and she rolled over as well so that they were lying back to back. She pulled the covers up to her chin. "Whatever, Brittany."

"Of course it's whatever." Brittany mumbled with a sarcastic chuckle.

"What do you want from me?" Santana snapped, and with every word she spoke she hated herself more. But she couldn't stop herself. Everything just felt… off.

"Nothing, Santana." Brittany said, sounding tired now. "Nothing at all."

Santana swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'm…"

"Yeah." Brittany whispered when Santana didn't finish her sentence. "Just go to sleep."

* * *

Things weren't much better the next day. Brittany got home late from work. Not necessarily because it was busy but more so because she was kind of dreading to face Santana. She knew it wasn't a good thing to avoid Santana but after her wife had so painfully told her that she was only in her way, she felt even more strongly that she was doing everything wrong in her attempts to help.

To her frustration, she found the brunette lying on the couch with a beer in her hand, the apartment a complete mess. There were papers littered everywhere and judged by the empty bottles on the table, this wasn't Santana's first drink of the day.

"Hi." She said, trying to remain calm.

Santana barely acknowledged her presence, her eyes trained on the TV. "Hey."

"I thought you had an important article to work on." Brittany said, her voice dropping to a murmur as her eyes scanned the place again. "Guess not."

"I just felt like relaxing. Sue me." Santana rolled her eyes.

Brittany rubbed the back of her neck, a bit confused by Santana's actions. First she drowned herself in her work and now she was completely disregarding it. "Do what you want." She finally replied, unable to hide the slight bitterness she still felt. "I won't bother you anymore."

"Jesus, Brittany. You just got home and you're already attacking me. Why are you so late anyway?"

"I'm not attacking you." Brittany said as she began to gather the empty bottles on the table. "And what do you think?"

Santana felt her face heat up, unexplainable irritation coursing through her veins. "Well, sorry for being such a terrible wife."

It was like she wanted Brittany to yell at her, tell her to go to hell, because it was what she deserved. It was like she wanted to be hurt because anything was better than this numbness, this emptiness, this anger.

But Brittany didn't yell at her. Instead, her voice softened as she looked at her sadly.

"I never said you're a terrible wife. I just…"

Santana was forced to look away, unable to take the storm of emotion that she saw in those blue eyes that she loved so much. "You just what?"

"You're pushing me away." Brittany sounded close to tears now. "And it scares me."

Santana's grip on the bottle in her hand tightened. She wished she had opted for something stronger than beer. Maybe if it was just the alcohol making her behave this way, she wouldn't feel so damn guilty. But she was still far too sober and she wished she could hide from Brittany's gaze that seemed to penetrate every ounce of her existence.

"I'm going to take a shower." Brittany announced after a long silence, and Santana couldn't force herself to reply.

Later that night, Santana decided to go to bed early. It was awkward sitting next to Brittany on the couch without saying anything, and she was also tired because she hadn't been sleeping that well. Brittany had given her a soft smile when she had told her that she was going to bed, which just made her feel even worse because how in the world could the blonde still be nice to her after all this?

Despite her exhaustion, she was still wide awake when Brittany crawled into bed too about an hour later. She startled slightly when she felt Brittany's warm body settle behind her, taken by surprise.

Brittany carefully wrapped her arms around Santana, and Santana felt her heart ache at her obvious hesitation.

"I don't want to fight with you." Brittany whispered, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

Santana wanted to cry.

She pretended to be asleep.

Brittany knew that she wasn't.

* * *

 _Santana walked into her Abuela's house. It was dark and quiet - not a speck of dust floating through the air. Her footsteps creaked against the floorboards and an eerie feeling settled over her. Something felt different, as if she was in the wrong place. This wasn't the place that she knew so well. Here it was as if there had never been any warmth or laughter at all._

 _She pushed open the kitchen door and found herself staring into her grandmother's face that was calm, a slight smiling pulling at the corners of her mouth. "Hello Santana."_

" _Abuela." Santana spoke, but her voice sounded weird, her throat feeling like sandpaper._

" _Sit."_

 _Santana looked around and saw that this wasn't Abuela's house as she knew it. It was cold and lacked furnishing - aside from the kitchen table and chairs. There was only a little bit of light and a thin layer of mist clung to every surface._

" _What's going on?"_

" _It's time, Santana." Abuela said almost robotically._

 _Santana looked at her again, her face scrunching up in confusion. "Time for what?"_

" _Time to face your demons."_

" _What…" Santana's voice wavered and her confusion shifted to horror when the white walls behind her grandmother suddenly dirtied with mud and blood. It slowly dripped onto the floor, forming a puddle there, the metallic smell forcing itself into her nostrils._

" _Look around you, Santana." Abuela said. "Where are you?"_

 _Santana squinted slightly as she looked around again, and suddenly she realized. "In my old apartment. From after I got kicked out by mom and dad."_

" _That's right."_

" _I don't understand." Santana looked at the older woman again and became aware of a noise in the background. It appeared to be music. It was rhythmic - hypnotic, in a way. Entranced, she took a step forwards until a high-pitched sound suddenly cut through the misty air. It was a scream and the whole place seemed to vibrate because of it. "I'm scared, Abuela."_

" _Don't be."_

 _Then, the floorboards behind her creaked and she looked up just in time to see bodies with flesh rotting off their skeletons running towards her, like hungry animals._

* * *

A groan pulled Brittany from the restless sleep she had been in. She opened her eyes in confusion and it took a moment before she realized what was going on. Her heart broke when she did. Santana was writhing next to her, obviously in the grips of a nightmare.

"San." She placed her hand on her wife's shoulder. "Babe, wake up."

Santana continued to trash around so Brittany called out her name a little louder until finally, the brunette drew in a deep breath and bolted upright. She startled when she felt a hand on her shoulder and jerked away. "Don't."

"Hey, it's just me." Brittany tried to soothe her, wrapping her arms around her shaking body and kissing her shoulder. "You were having a bad dream."

Santana shuddered. "A… a dream?"

Her voice was shaky and filled with disbelief. It had felt so real.

"Yeah." Brittany said softly, brushing Santana's hair aside and gently kissing the crook of her neck. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Santana couldn't speak. She felt like throwing up. She felt hot and cold at the same time. Most of all, she felt disgusting. She shook her head and fortunately, Brittany didn't push.

Brittany guided them so that they were both lying down, Santana draped on top of her almost limply. She frowned in concern. Despite Santana's behavior the last few days, she couldn't really be mad at her wife and now this showed her that she wasn't okay, no matter how much she pretended to be.

But, Santana was still trembling in her arms and Brittany could feel her rapid breathing against her neck, so she didn't want to have this conversation now. Not like this.

"Just calm down, honey." She said instead, kissing Santana's forehead. "It's okay. Try to go back to sleep."

Even though Santana seemed out of it, Brittany was happy that she at least allowed her to comfort her. She gently rubbed her wife's back until finally, her breathing evened out.

* * *

Santana groaned when she shuffled into the kitchen the next morning, finding her way around the place almost blindly as her head pounded. It was strange how awkwardall of this felt, being around Brittany, how she missed her while she was right there and it was her own fault that there was this distance between them.

She sat down at the table and buried her face in her hands, only peeking between her fingers when a cup of coffee was placed in front of her. "Thanks."

Brittany took a seat next to her. "Are you okay?"

"Just a headache." Santana said as she a sip from her coffee. Brittany just hummed and drummed her fingers on the table distractedly, her eyes occupied. "Sorry about last night."

"Do you want something to eat?"

"No…" Santana frowned. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah." Brittany replied softly, and Santana's frown deepened when she saw the troubled expression on her face. "And you don't have to apologize for that. I don't know what to say though because you don't want to talk about it."

Santana glanced down at her hands. "It was just a nightmare."

"We both know there's more to it." Brittany said, sighing when Santana refused to look up. "It was so hard seeing you like that, knowing that I couldn't help you. It broke my heart."

"Well now you know what's that like." The words had left Santana's mouth before she could stop them and she instantly regretted them. She hadn't meant to make it sound like Brittany's nightmares were her fault, knowing how insecure she was about the matter, how embarrassed. "Fuck. Britt…"

Brittany got up, her face colored a deep shade of red. The way she was rubbing her arm and avoided eye-contact told Santana that she was uncomfortable and it was like a punch in the stomach because Santana never wanted her to feel that way around her.

"That's real nice, Santana." She said, and she sounded so, so disappointed that Santana cringed. "I know you're upset about your grandmother and I completely understand that but I've only been trying to help but you're just being so…" She shrugged.

Santana bit her lip. "I just… I just don't know how I feel."

It was the most Santana had said in the past few days and Brittany felt a spark of hope in her chest. At the same time, she felt terrified.

"About what? About me?"

"No. I mean… I guess..." Santana trailed off. Everything was just too much. She didn't know how to explain herself because she didn't understand either. But to Brittany, her words were just confirmation to what she had already been afraid of.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked, her voice thick with unshed tears.

"No. That's not it." Santana answered, frustrated. What was she supposed to tell her? How was she supposed to explain that she felt seconds away from snapping because she felt so angry but couldn't quite figure out what to do with those emotions? Brittany was perfect, and Santana felt like she didn't deserve her.

"Then what is it? Do you still love me?"

Santana felt her heart clench at that. "Of course I still love you. I swear this has nothing to do with you. I just need time to think."

"Think about what?"

"I don't know!" Santana threw her hands up in frustration. "I don't fucking know, okay? Christ, just leave me alone."

Brittany felt her throat constrict as the tears she had been trying to keep at bay finally spilled over. "Fine."

Santana wanted to die. Making Brittany cry had never been her intention and she felt like the worst human in the world. Why did she have to be so goddamn mean? What the hell was wrong with her? Where did all this anger come from?

"Brittany..." She stood up too, but Brittany shook her head and grabbed her bag.

"I have to go to work."

Santana followed her to the door. "Can we talk about this?"

"I thought you didn't want to talk." Brittany huffed as she stepped outside. She began to walk away but paused at the last moment and glanced over her shoulder. Santana looked distressed, to say the least, and Brittany softened slightly. She was relieved because that meant she cared. "You know, I love you more than anyone in the world, San. And I know I haven't always been perfect myself when it came to dealing with stuff. But never did I treat you like this."

With that, she left, leaving Santana alone with her thoughts.

* * *

"Okay, what's going on?"

Santana frowned at Quinn, almost dropping the sandwich she had been picking on. "What?"

"You look like you haven't slept in days and you haven't said a word." Quinn said patiently, like she already knew what Santana was thinking. Santana leaned back, staring at the family pictures that were set up on Quinn's desk. "Are you going to tell me what happened with Britt?"

"Nothing happened." Santana got defensive because as much as she beat herself up over the situation, she was still afraid of being judged.

"Is it about your grandmother?" Quinn asked.

Santana clenched her jaw. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Okay, I'm sorry." Quinn said quickly, and an awkward silence settled over the room. Santana felt guilty for snapping at Quinn because she knew that she was just trying to help, but it was so hard to explain how she felt when she didn't even know. She was just about to apologize when Quinn spoke again. "But seriously, something's obviously up."

Santana raised her eyebrows. "Why are you so damn nosy, Fabray?"

Quinn smirked. "That what I'm your best friend for."

Santana rolled her eyes.

"Did you get into a fight?"

"Sort of." Santana sighed and dropped her sandwich. She couldn't look Quinn in the eyes, feeling utterly ashamed of herself. "I…, God this is embarrassing, I had a nightmare. About my grandmother. And Britt… she's…"

"She's what?"

"She's perfect. And I've been treating her like shit." Santana groaned and buried her face into her hands. "Fuck. I don't know what's wrong with me, Quinn."

"You're grieving."

Santana scoffed. "I'm sure doing a shitty job at it."

"Look, I'm gonna give you some tough love here."

"Great."

"Just listen." Quinn told her calmly. "What happened with your family is messed up and to me it seems like this whole thing brought back a lot of memories that you never properly dealt with in the first place. That's probably why you're so angry and why you've been in the worst mood since your grandmother's death."

"I didn't know you were a therapist."

"Shut up, Santana." Quinn said with a sigh. "I don't blame you for the way you feel but you can't put your life on hold. You sure as hell can't take it out on your wife, either."

It was Santana's turn to sigh. "I know."

"Then why don't you just talk to her?"

"Because I don't know what to tell her! I thought that this shit would pass on its own. That I just had to wait it out. Punch a wall or something. I don't know. But I guess I was wrong."

Quinn looked at her thoughtfully. "Then at least tell her that. It's better than nothing."

"It's stupid, though."

"How is it stupid?" Quinn arched an eyebrow at her. "Have you ever held any of her feelings against her? Have you ever considered those stupid?"

Santana frowned. "Of course not."

"Exactly." Quinn said. "She's your wife. She'll understand."

Santana stared at her for a moment, not bothering to hide the scowl on her face. "I hate it when you're right."

Quinn chuckled and opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing. A small smile spread across her features when she looked at the screen. "Oh it's Tom."

"Tell loverboy I said what's up." Santana glanced at the clock and realized lunchbreak was almost over. "I gotta go. I have a meeting with Schuester."

"Alright. And after that go fix things with your wife."

* * *

That evening, Santana felt nervous as she waited for Brittany to come home. She fumbled with the oven, and when she checked herself in the mirror, she noticed that she looked pale, as if she was going to be sick. She splashed some water on her face and told herself to get it together. It was just Brittany she was going to talk to. She would apologize, tell her what she had discussed with Quinn, and then everything would be alright. Yet, as she sat there waiting by the kitchen table, she still felt jittery.

Her leg bounced up and down restlessly, and when Brittany finally walked through the door, her heart leaped in her chest.

"Hey." She said, praying to whatever higher power there may be that Brittany wasn't mad at her anymore. They hadn't spoken at all since that morning, and Santana hoped that Brittany didn't feel even more angry by now.

Brittany flashed her a small smile that made her sigh out in relief as she set down her bag and joined her at the table. "Hi. How was your day?"

"Fine, I guess." Santana shrugged. "I started on dinner but it's not ready yet."

"Okay." Brittany stared at her for a while, until she squirmed uneasily.

"So…"

"So?"

Santana's mouth opened and she breathed out shallow puffs of air, as she prepared herself to speak. Her lips twitched. This was it. This was the moment she was finally going to tell Brittany everything; how she felt, how she didn't feel, or how she didn't know. But no words came out.

"San?"

Brittany's voice sounded warm and familiar, and yet it did nothing to soothe Santana's aching heart.

"San, what is it?"

Santana's throat felt dry as the loud, frantic pounding in her chest reverberated in her ears. What was wrong with her? She swallowed thickly, once, twice, and then said something she didn't plan on saying at all. "Nothing."

Brittany sighed, disappointed. "Okay. I'm going for a run."

"A run?" Santana's forehead crinkled in confusion. "But you just came home from work."

"I need to clear my head."

Santana lowered her eyes, knowing exactly why. "But what about dinner?"

"Just save some for me. I'll heat it up later."

Santana's shoulders slumped slightly. "Okay."

Brittany didn't really want to go for a run. Truthfully she felt exhausted and her whole body seemed to ache. Her scars felt tight and uneasy, and she wanted nothing more than to rub some ointment on them and curl up in bed. But, she didn't want to be around Santana. She couldn't pretend that everything was okay between them. She couldn't walk on eggshells any longer. She had hoped that Santana would apologize but instead she had shut down again.

She walked into the bedroom to put on her running shoes and after that she was out the door.

She started out with a slow pace, not wanting to burden her muscles too much, and trotted down the road that led to her favorite jogging route. When her muscles felt slightly looser, she picked up the speed a bit, trying to tune out her mind.

She had been running for about ten minutes when she heard someone call out her name. It took a moment for her to register the voice but once she did, she came to a halt almost abruptly. Please no. She couldn't deal with this right now.

"Brittany, wait up!"

Brittany came to a stop completely but didn't bother to face the girl. She simply said, "What do you want?"

"Is that how you're gonna greet me?" Chloe smirked as she caught up with her.

"I'm just not… in the mood." Brittany still didn't look at her.

"I see." Chloe placed her hands on her hips and looked at Brittany, scanning her face in search of something. "Trouble at home?"

"None of your business."

"Hm, you know, I always liked the fact that you're a little shy because it's cute. But I see you can be feisty too." Chloe smirked again. "I like it."

Brittany rubbed her eyes, too tired to deal with this. "I told you to stop flirting with me. I'm married and it's very disrespectful to me and my wife."

"Shouldn't you be with your wife right now?" Chloe questioned, still smirking. "You don't look all too happy right now. I hope she didn't do anything to upset you. She'd be a fool to let you go."

"She didn't do anything." Brittany clenched her jaw in annoyance. "I'm just jogging, is there something wrong with that?"

"Of course not." Chloe said as she subtly inched closer to her. "You look beautiful, by the way."

Brittany couldn't stop herself from blushing. She felt anything but beautiful in her sweaty attire. "Well thanks."

Chloe reached out to brush some invisible dust off Brittany's shoulder. "It's nice to run into you outside of class but to be honest, I'd love to see you when you're not all sweaty and wearing gym clothes." She paused and then winked. "Although, I don't mind the sweaty part."

Brittany backed away from her. "You really need to stop this."

"Oh Britt, I haven't even started yet."

Brittany felt her stomach churn uncomfortably. She would definitely need to have another chat with Mike because it seemed like her warning to Chloe hadn't helped much. Awkwardly clearing her throat, she began to back away even further. "I'm gonna go."

"You don't wanna go for a drink?"

"No. I'm going home. To my wife." Brittany jogged away without waiting for a reply.

When she got home, Santana was still sitting at the kitchen table, looking so heartbroken, and Brittany instantly softened. She knew that no matter how awful Santana treated her, it was never because she actually wanted to hurt her. That didn't mean that it didn't still hurt, but it did mean that she wanted to try her hardest to understand.

"You didn't eat yet?"

Santana shook her head. "I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't eat knowing that you're angry with me."

"San, I'm not angry." Brittany sighed. "I just don't understand what's going on with you. You haven't been acting like yourself since your grandmother died and I get that you're going through a hard time but how am I supposed to be there for you when every single thing that I do or say just sets you off?"

Santana felt her face burn with shame. Brittany made her want to hide from own reality even more. It was all too much, and she could feel her chest began to tighten with that feeling you get before you start crying.

She hoped that Brittany wouldn't notice but of course she did. Brittany seemed to notice all the little things.

"Santana?" She asked softly, and Santana just shook her head as she kept looking down. She knew that as soon as she'd look at Brittany, she'd break and there would be no going back. "Babe, what's wrong?"

Santana took a deep breath, and just when she thought she could actually do this - keep herself together - Brittany knelt down next to her and covered her hands with her own, and her resolve melted instantly. The tears started falling, and even though there weren't many of them and she didn't actually sob, it was enough.

"Oh San. Talk to me." Brittany urged gently, concerned.

"I'm sorry." Santana mumbled.

" _Hey,_ what are you sorry for?" Brittany shook Santana's hands a little until Santana finally looked at her. As soon as Santana's eyes met Brittany's, she could feel herself begin to crumble even more, and she wanted to run away. But her legs felt like jello, and Brittany's gaze was kind and patient as usual and it made her feel so, so vulnerable.

"For everything. For the things I said to you. I didn't mean them. God Britt, I feel so bad."

Brittany gently squeezed her hands. "Why _did_ you say those things?"

"I-I'm stuck." Santana breathed out shakily.

"What do you mean?" Brittany asked, her eyes begging Santana to let her in and share what it was that had her so upset, but Santana just shook her head again. "Santana, how are you stuck?"

"Abuela… I…" Santana's voice broke and she sucked her trembling lips into her mouth. There was a voice in the back of her mind telling her how ridiculous this all was. How ridiculous it was for her to be crying, somehow feeling comforted by the weight of Brittany's hands on her own, finally opening up to her wife like she should've a long time ago. "I can't explain it, Britt. That's the whole thing… I just don't know… and that's what's so fucking stupid."

"It's not stupid at all." Brittany said, and Santana's heart stuttered at the lack of judgement in her voice. She looked worried, the corners of her mouth turned down, and it made Santana want to cry all over again because it was more than she deserved. Brittany got up and slipped onto Santana's lap, pulling the brunette into her arms. "We'll get through this, okay? We'll figure it out."

Santana buried her face against Brittany's shoulder, feeling safe for the first time in days. "Okay. "


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**

Brittany pressed a gentle kiss to Santana's temple before slowly pulling back to look at her. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there, on Santana's lap, holding her. Santana had cried quietly for a while but now the tears had stopped and as Brittany's eyes met warm brown ones, she could see the exhaustion in them.

"You should get some sleep." She said lovingly.

"But we need to talk." Santana protested.

"We do. But you're exhausted. I'd rather talk when you're more awake."

Santana frowned, clearly still not pleased with the idea. "What about dinner? It's still in the oven."

"I'll take care of it." Brittany smiled slightly. Even though they still had some things to talk about, she already felt greatly relieved. The tension between them had lessened considerably, and Santana seemed willing to finally open up. "You just get some rest and I'll join you later, okay?"

"Fine." Santana finally agreed. "But don't wait up too long… I've missed you."

She ducked her head at the last statement, seeming almost afraid to say it out loud, and Brittany felt her heart stammer as her emotions got the best of her. "San…" She mumbled, her voice wavering. "I don't-"

"What?" Santana asked, concerned, reaching up to caress the blonde's cheek.

Brittany averted her gaze, feeling her face heat up slightly under Santana's intense stare. She fiddled with the hem of her sweater as she tried to find her voice. She never had trouble talking to Santana anymore, not after everything they had been through, but now she couldn't help but feel a bit on edge.

"It's just messing with my mind." She admitted quietly. "You just went from being distant to being nice so fast. It's confusing me. And I've really missed you too."

"Oh Britt." Santana sighed sadly. She didn't quite know what to say because her mind was still a mess and it felt impossible to explain. "I'm so sorry. I've been trying to talk to you but it's just so hard to put everything into words. And it still feels so stupid."

"I already told you it's not stupid." Brittany was quick to counter. "You can't help the way you feel, babe. Have you ever thought my feelings were stupid?"

"Of course not." Santana replied before rolling her eyes. "Quinn said the same thing. I hate it when she's right."

Brittany's lips formed into a small smile. "You talked to Quinn?"

"Yeah…" Santana said guiltily. "Are you mad?"

"No, I'm glad you have her." Brittany said honestly.

"Me too." Santana released a deep breath and tucked some strands of hair behind Brittany's ear. "I have a lot I wanna say to you even if half of it might not make sense."

"And I'll be here to listen but please get some sleep first. I won't be long."

Santana nodded, too tired to protest. She didn't expect herself to be able to get any sleep but she drifted off almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. Maybe it was because of the relief of finally talking to Brittany, or maybe her emotions were finally starting to catch up with her.

She woke up a couple of hours later to a dark room, save for the dim light coming from underneath the bathroom door. Tucking her hand under her head, she stared at the light, patiently waiting for her wife to emerge.

Brittany finally did after about ten minutes but she didn't notice that Santana was awake which gave the brunette the perfect opportunity to look at her closely. She noticed how tense Brittany's shoulders were, how she winced slightly with every move she made, and guilt twisted her stomach once again as she realized that she was a contributor to her wife's stress.

"Britt…" She whispered as Brittany sat down on the side of the bed, and Brittany startled slightly before glancing at her and giving her a small smile. Santana returned it but her mind was elsewhere. "Are you uncomfortable?"

Brittany looked away, understanding what she was referring to. "It's been a long few days, that's all."

"I'm sorry." Santana said, though she wasn't quite sure what she was apologizing for. There were so many things she regretted, she didn't know where to start. Pulling herself upright, she slowly shuffled to sit next to Brittany. "Do you need my help?"

"I…" Brittany stammered, keeping her gaze focused on her lap as a blush slowly spread across her cheeks. "You don't have to."

Santana felt her heart plummet. Brittany seemed embarrassed, again, because of her. She couldn't blame her after she had thrown her nightmares into her face. She hated that angry little voice in her head that had taken hold of her, that had lashed out, that had made her say things she normally never would've said. It was gone now, but she feared it would come back.

"Brittany, I'm so sorry." She swallowed the lump in her throat as she placed her hand on Brittany's thigh, trying to figure out where to start. "I don't know why I said those things. You didn't deserve that at all. I'm an idiot."

"Which things exactly, San?" Brittany asked softly, still not looking at her. "The part where you told me not to bug you or the part about my nightmares?"

Santana cringed, ashamed of herself. "Both."

"I know you didn't mean it." Brittany sighed, fiddling with her hands in her lap. "But it hurt. You always made me feel so safe, like you understood, and then you said that… as if I deserved to see you in the grips of a nightmare because you've been suffering through that for years… it's not- that's not-"

"Hey, slow down." Santana said gently when Brittany continued to struggle with her words. As she looked at her wife, she recognized so much from when they had first met; the timidness, the fidgeting… it felt like they had gone back in time.

"Sorry." Brittany mumbled, the tips of her ears burning. "It just… it sucked."

"I know, baby." Santana murmured, rubbing her thigh soothingly. "I regretted it as soon as I said it. I know this is gonna sound ridiculous but it was like I had no control over the words that came out of my mouth. They just came spilling out. All I could feel was anger, even though it was completely irrational. It was this burning, chest tightening feeling that I can't explain."

Brittany was silent for a moment and then covered Santana's hand with her own. "I knew you were angry because of your parents. And then you weren't invited to the funeral which made it worse so I understood. But, I don't know, it felt different. Different than normal anger."

"Yeah." Santana breathed out slowly. "It _was_ different. Honestly, I felt like a ticking time bomb. I didn't want to explode while you were around so instead I kept pushing you away."

Brittany's eyes slowly flickered up to meet hers. "And now? Is it over? What changed?"

"I don't know." Santana sighed, frustrated with herself and her inability to explain. She didn't know if the storm had passed or not. Her anger had subsided but she feared it was only temporary. "I don't know what changed but when I made you cry, I hated myself so much. I never want to see you cry and I definitely don't want to be the reason for it."

Brittany chewed on her bottom lip as her eyes focused on their joined hands. "I was upset because I thought… I thought you were having doubts about wanting to be with me."

"What?" Santana's face scrunched up. "Honey, why would you even think that?"

Brittany shrugged. "You said you didn't know how you felt and you needed time to think."

"Yeah but not about us. Never about us." Brittany just nodded slowly and Santana leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek. "I love you."

Finally, a small smile appeared on Brittany's face. "I love you too."

Santana smiled too and cupped the blonde's cheek, turning her head so that their eyes finally met. "So let me take care of you."

"San…" Brittany still seemed conflicted and Santana frowned.

"What is it?"

Brittany's eyes flickered away again, and Santana hated it. "I-I just want you to be okay. Maybe you should think about getting some help."

Santana dropped her hand from Brittany's cheek, settling it in her lap instead. "What do you mean?"

"What you're going through is not something to take lightly." Brittany explained. She looked at Santana and saw the slight frown on her face. "You don't have to go through it alone. It's okay to need someone to help you, especially if you have trouble figuring it out yourself."

"You mean like a professional?" Santana asked, and she could feel it taking hold of her again. That feeling of unexplained irritation.

"Yeah. It might be good to talk to someone who can-"

"I don't need a shrink, Brittany." Santana interrupted her, quite harshly, and she could see the movement in Brittany's throat as she swallowed. "It might help you but I'm not-"

"Not what?" Brittany was the one to interrupt her this time, and she could see the look of hurt on the blonde's face.

"I can take care of myself."

"And I can't?" Brittany's voice cracked slightly, as if she was on the verge of tears, and Santana's irritation began to disappear just like that. She was doing it again.

"Fuck." She mumbled. "I'm sorry."

Brittany just shook her head and moved to get up, but Santana grabbed her arm to stop her.

"I didn't mean that, Britt."

Brittany wiped at her eyes. "I don't wanna argue with you anymore."

"I don't want that either." Santana said, wishing that Brittany would just look at her. "What I was trying to say is that I agree that it's perfectly okay to get help, you know I do, but I just don't think it's for me and that should be okay too."

"Of course that's okay." Brittany replied and shuffled backwards on the bed, turning her body more towards Santana. She smiled slightly when Santana copied the movement, and took the brunette's hand in her own. "You have to tell me what you do need, though, because I'm at a loss here."

Santana turned Brittany's hand over, tracing her finger over her palm distractedly. "Maybe I just need to get away for awhile. You know, get away from this environment where everything reminds me of what happened. Clear my head. Just for a few days."

"Get away from me?"

"No." Santana squeezed her hand. "I want my beautiful wife to come with me."

Brittany smiled and ducked her head down to hide her blush. "Where will we go?"

"I don't know, we can think about it later." Santana said, looking at Brittany for a while, feeling her heart flutter. She was truly lucky to have someone so supportive by her side. "Are we okay? I know I still have some things to tell you but I'd honestly rather do it some other time."

Brittany nodded. "Yeah, we're okay."

Leaning in, Santana nudged Brittany's nose with her own before pressing their lips together. Brittany melted into the contact naturally, her hand settling on Santana's hip as she pulled her even closer. It had felt so long since they had last shared such closeness and it felt like coming home.

Pulling back slightly, Santana gazed into tired blue orbs. "I'll figure this out. I promise."

Brittany nodded and smiled slightly, though it did not quite reach her eyes. Santana pressed another kiss to her lips before reaching into the drawer of the bedside table to grab the tube of ointment that would help make Brittany feel better.

"San, you really don't have to. I know you're tired too."

"I want to." Santana insisted. "Now turn around and take off your shirt."

Brittany sighed but complied without further protests.

* * *

Brittany dreaded going to work the next day. It was Friday so at least it was almost weekend and Santana and her would be able to spend some time together. She couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened. Not only with Santana, but also her run-in with Chloe. The thought of having the face the girl again made her stomach churn and she vowed to speak to Mike about the issue as soon as she could.

"Britt?" Santana's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

She looked up from her bowl of uneaten cereal. "Hm?"

"You were miles away." Santana said, her brow furrowed. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah."

Santana didn't seem convinced. "Are you still mad at me?"

"No, San." Brittany reassured her. "I'm just a little tired, that's all."

"If you're sure."

Brittany nodded and gave her a small smile. "Are you going to the office today?"

"Yeah, I have to catch up on some work." Santana replied as she got up to but her bowl in the sink. She walked to stand behind Brittany, wrapping her arms around the blonde and resting her chin on her shoulder. "Maybe we can talk some more tonight."

Brittany snuggled into her embrace, relieved by her willingness to open up. "I'd like that."

Santana pressed a kiss to her cheek before letting her go. "I have to go."

"Okay." Brittany said as she got up too. She watched as Santana gathered her things before walking with her to the front door.

Santana reached up to adjust the collar of Brittany's sweatshirt. "I'll call you later, okay?"

"Yeah." Brittany mumbled, not quite meeting her gaze.

Santana studied her features for a moment. She couldn't help but notice that she was being awfully quiet but she figured it still had to do with everything that had happened between them. She sighed and cupped her wife's cheek, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on her lips. "See you tonight."

Brittany nodded and blushed slightly.

Santana smiled softly, endeared by how the blonde never changed even after all these years.

After Santana left, Brittany gathered her own things and followed soon after. She knew that she at least didn't have to face Chloe since she wasn't in her class today, but she still felt strangely on edge. Maybe it was because she felt so… so _intimidated_ by the girl. She had a way with words that made Brittany feel small.

Mike was already there when she arrived at the studio.

"Morning, Britt."

Brittany fiddled with the strap of her bag as she looked at him. "Hey."

A few moments of silence followed before Mike looked up, surprised to see her still standing there. Usually she'd go straight to her office to put her things away. His eyebrows raised questioningly. "What's up?"

"I…" Brittany started but couldn't get the words out. "How are you?"

Mike chuckled in surprise. "I'm fine. How about you?"

"Yeah, good." Brittany awkwardly bobbed her head up and down. "Excited for this weekend?"

"Tina told you?" Mike asked, but then shook his head with a smile. "Of course she did. Yeah, it will be nice to get away for a few days."

"Yeah." Brittany agreed, not knowing what else to say. Why was it so hard to just talk to him? She had done it before. But it felt different this time. Maybe she was scared of Chloe's reaction if she was put in a different class.

Mike's eyebrows pinched together in concern as he watched Brittany fumble in front of him. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

"I- You- Do you remember that student I told you about?"

"Of course." Mike said as realization washed over his features. "Is she still giving you trouble?"

"Um…" Brittany swallowed and looked down at her feet. "Sort of, yeah."

"What happened?"

"Well, last night I went for a jog and I ran into her." Brittany explained. "And she started saying all the same things again. Honestly, it just make me really uncomfortable."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Britt." Mike sighed and rubbed his forehead. "So she's bothering you outside of class too now. That's not okay at all. I'll talk to her and make sure she's placed in a different class."

Brittany chewed on her bottom lip. "I'm sorry, Mike. It's just-"

"Hey, no, you don't have to apologize." Mike said and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Her behavior is way out of line and I'll make sure she knows it. I'll take care of it, okay? Don't worry about it."

Brittany nodded, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. "Thanks, Mike."

* * *

The rest of her morning passed uneventfully and she met up with Marley for lunch. Spending time with her friend was a welcomed distraction, and she vowed not to talk about any of her problems.

"This pasta is delicious." Marley said, taking a bite.

"It is." Brittany chuckled in agreement. "This restaurant is nice. Santana and I go here all the time."

"How is Santana?"

"She's okay." Brittany replied with a small smile. "Better."

"I'm glad."

Brittany took a sip of her water, deciding to change the subject before Marley asked any more questions. She trusted her friend but she just wanted to spend some time without having to think about all the things that had been stressing her out. "So how's work?"

"Oh, it's fine." Marley glanced down at her plate and sighed. "But I think it might be time to move on."

Brittany hummed thoughtfully. "Get a different job you mean?"

"Yes. I mean, I like it at Joey's but it's getting a bit boring and I feel like I need something new." She paused and sighed again. "And honestly, I only got the job in the first place because Zach made me. We needed the extra money and this was the first opportunity I got."

Brittany looked at her sympathetically. "You should do whatever makes you happy, Mar."

"I just don't want any reminders of him." Marley replied, twirling some pasta around her fork. "That part of my life is in the past."

"Do you ever hear from him?"

"He sent me some messages but I never replied so he stopped." Marley told her. "I'm happy for him that therapy helped him but I could never allow him back into my life after all that happened."

Brittany nodded in agreement. "You're better off without him."

"Kitty said the same thing."

Brittany tilted her head attentively. "You told Kitty about him?"

"Yeah." Marley said, and Brittany noticed that her cheeks flushed a bit. "It just felt right to tell her. I trust her."

"That's good. I wouldn't want you to ever get hurt again."

"What do you mean? Kitty wouldn't do that. She may seem like a bitch sometimes but she's actually one of the nicest people I know."

Brittany's lips curled into a small smile. "You really like her, don't you?"

"Huh?" Marley's eyes widened.

Brittany hesitated for a moment but then decided that she couldn't help her friend without asking. "Don't get mad at me but is there something going on between you two?"

"I- No." Marley's face flushed even more and she looked down at her plate. "Maybe."

"You know that it's okay if there is, right?"

Marley met her gaze almost timidly. "I know but… it's complicated."

"Are you worried that she doesn't feel the same way?" Brittany questioned sympathetically.

"I don't know." Marley sighed and dropped her fork. "I think she might but every time I try to make a move or whatever, I chicken out. I'm not good at all this. Flirting, dating… I was with Zach for so long it feels like I forgot."

"Maybe you're overthinking things too much." Brittany suggested. She knew that it was kind of ironic that _she_ was the one giving this advice. "Maybe you need to just go with the flow instead of thinking about every next step."

"Maybe." Marley mumbled, seeming a bit deflated.

"Hey, it'll be okay." Brittany reached out to squeeze her friend's hand. "Maybe we can all hang out together sometime and I'll try to read if she's into you."

Marley seemed to perk up at this. "It would be interesting to see Kitty and Santana in the same room."

Brittany laughed at the idea. "It could either be great or a disaster."

* * *

Brittany picked up some takeout on her way home and when she walked into the apartment, she found Santana on the couch. She leaned in to peck her wife on the cheek before placing the food on the table. She felt a lot better and less stressed after her conversation with Mike, and Santana seemed to notice.

"Had a good day?" She asked with a smile.

"I did." Brittany told her as she sat down next to her. "How about you?"

"I did too, actually. I got a lot of work done." Santana replied and then faltered slightly. "I feel a lot better now that we talked. I don't feel so on edge anymore, I guess. But I don't want to lie to you. This afternoon I got a call from Andrea and she told me about how the funeral went and everything, and afterwards I felt so angry that I… I punched a wall."

"You punched a wall?" Brittany gasped and reached out to take Santana's hand in her own. She examined it carefully, noticing the red knuckles. "Does it hurt? Is it broken?"

Santana shook her head. "It's fine, honestly. I iced it."

"Okay." Brittany looked at it for a moment longer and then released it. "I can't believe you punched a wall."

Santana cringed. "Stupid, I know."

She looked so ashamed of herself that Brittany felt her heart ache.

"Hey, look at me." Brittany gently squeezed Santana's knee until brown eyes hesitantly flickered up to meet her gaze. "It's not stupid. We just need to find a different way for you to express your anger because I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Santana nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

Brittany flashed her a small smile. "Now let's eat because I'm starving."

Santana chuckled and reached for the bag of food.

After dinner, they found themselves spread out on the couch. Santana's head was resting on Brittany's chest, their legs tangled together. She hadn't been this comfortable in days, safe in Brittany's arms, and she hadn't realized how much she had really missed her wife.

"I love you." She whispered, and Brittany dropped a kiss onto her forehead.

"I love you too."

Santana listened to her steady heartbeat for a while, finding comfort in it. "I wanna tell you something."

"Okay." Brittany said simply.

"When I had a nightmare, it was about my abuela." Santana said, and paused, waiting for some kind of reaction. She didn't know why she felt so embarrassed. But, Brittany didn't say anything, her fingers brushing through her hair soothingly. "She was in my apartment. The one I moved into after my parents kicked me out. She said that it's time for me to face my demons. But honestly, the whole thing just pissed me off because all I'm trying to do is leave the past behind me."

"Sometimes we need to confront our past in order to move on from it." Brittany said in a soft voice. "Dr. Hill told me that sometimes it even helps if we physically say goodbye to it."

"Like how? Stand outside of the apartment and wave at it from the curb?"

Brittany rolled her eyes. "No."

"Smash its windows?"

"That would be nice, right?"

Santana chuckled. "Definitely."

"I don't really know, San." Brittany admitted.

Santana pulled back to look at her. "We don't have to think about it right now."

"You know," Brittany began, suddenly turning a bit shy. "Before your abuela passed away, there was something I was trying to tell you too. But I never had the guts."

Santana frowned slightly. "Something bad?"

"No." Brittany replied, but she still wouldn't meet Santana's gaze which didn't do much to reassure her. "Nothing bad. I just… I was trying of the right way to tell you and I still don't really know."

Santana sat up a bit straighter and gently cupped Brittany's cheek in her hand. "What is it, babe?"

"You know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, right?"

"And you know I want that too." Santana answered sweetly, her thumb stroking Brittany's flushed cheek. "That's why I married you. Why?"

Brittany bit her lip and fiddled with the hem of her sweater, a nervous habit she still hadn't been able to control after all these years. "I was trying to tell you that I want to have a baby with you but every time I tried to bring up the subject, it seemed like you weren't ready yet."

"What?" Santana was surprised, but her heartbeat sped up nonetheless. "Of course I want to have a baby with you. I thought you knew that."

"Yeah, but I meant like now." Brittany almost whispered.

"Britt," Santana murmured, looking at her wife who still shied away from her when she was embarrassed and sighing. "What made you think that I didn't want that too?"

"Because you said something about the right timing."

"Well yeah, because I didn't know what you were trying to imply." Santana said, and then shook her head, tucking a strand of Brittany's hair behind her ear. "You could've just told me."

"I'm sorry." Brittany mumbled, biting her lip. "But now… I think you're right. The timing is off."

"What makes you say that?"

Brittany gave her a look. "After everything that just happened, I think you should focus on yourself first."

Santana fought off that feeling of irrational anger that threatened to claw to the surface. "I guess you're right."

"But once you're okay, we can have this conversation again." Brittany suggested, and Santana couldn't help but smile at that.

She leaned in to capture the blonde's lips in a kiss. Pulling back, she nuzzled their noses together and smiled tenderly. "I can't wait to have a lazy day in bed tomorrow."

"Is that so?" Brittany smirked, and Santana laughed.

"Do you have something in mind?"

"I can think of a few things."

Santana laughed again and leaned in to steal another quick kiss.


End file.
